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There are certain qualities that naturally draw us to a romantic partner—traits that excite us, inspire us, and make us feel connected. But sometimes, those very same qualities that once felt so magnetic can later become a source of tension. For example, you might be drawn to someone’s ambition—their drive, their passion, the way they chase after their goals. But as time goes on, that ambition might start to feel like a wall between you, morphing into long work hours, missed plans, and a sense that quality time isn’t a priority.

This doesn’t mean the person is flawed or that you made a mistake in choosing them. The truth is, every one of us is made up of qualities that both attract and challenge others. No one will be perfectly aligned with us in every way, and part of being in a relationship means developing a tolerance for the full spectrum of who someone is. It’s about making space—not just for the moments where everything feels easy, but also for the times when differences arise.

Learning to Navigate Disappointment Can Promote Growth

People will disappoint us. It’s part of being close. Real connection—especially lasting love—comes with risk. Hurt will happen. But pain doesn’t mean failure. It means we care. We’re alive. And love, like anything meaningful, comes with vulnerability.

That doesn’t mean tolerating everything or abandoning your boundaries. It means recognizing that, just like we want to be accepted in full, our partners do too. When we create space for imperfection, we build trust. We grow our capacity to love with flexibility, strength, and grace.

Making Space for Imperfection in Relationships

Disappointment in relationships can feel jarring—especially in your 30s and 40s, when you’re craving stability, depth, and emotional safety. Whether you’re with a longtime partner or in something new, the gap between what you imagined and what’s happening can feel wide. How you respond to that gap matters. It can either bring you closer—or push you apart.

One powerful shift? Let others get it wrong sometimes. Without withdrawing love. Without assuming the worst. Without trying to reshape them. Stay curious. Stay kind. Let go of the urge to make others match your comfort zone.

This isn’t about ignoring your needs. It’s about softening rigid expectations. It’s about allowing missteps without making them mean more than they do. Real connection grows in that space. It’s where empathy, growth, and resilience live.

Need Help Reconnecting? Try a Relational Tune-Up

Feeling stuck in the same arguments or emotional patterns? You’re not alone. A relational tune-up can help. These short-term, accelerated therapy sessions offer focused support when you need it most. They’re ideal if you’re ready for change—but don’t want to spend months waiting.

With thoughtful, high-impact care, you can explore stuck dynamics, strengthen communication, and reconnect emotionally—with clarity and compassion.

Because sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is make space—for growth, for grace, and for each other.

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We often emphasize the importance of validating others and downplay the importance of validating ourselves. 

Practicing gentle and positive self-talk encourages our growth.

Praise yourself for doing that hard thing; soothe yourself when you’re hurt or have been mistreated; make different choices in alignment with your goals and values; practice shifting a self-defeating thought to a more self-compassionate and hopeful one.

You can do it! 

Tolerating discomfort is a necessary part of life.

I often sit with folks in session as they are engaging in a new chapter of their life. I.e. – starting that new position, breaking out on their own for the first time, becoming a parent for the first time, dealing with that first big falling out as a couple, etc. 

“Newness” is emotionally challenging because it is unfamiliar. We often don’t have the skills necessary to be successful and we must develop them. In any relationship, we will inevitably be called to “repot the plant” at some point. Meaning, the root system has outgrown the current pot and it no longer fits. We need to allow for room to grow or the relationship will die. To do this, we must exercise our distress tolerance. Growth is often uncomfortable but necessary. By staying curious and being kind to ourselves, we can give ourselves and our relationships the chance to evolve. Some of us may have a higher tolerance for distress than others and that’s ok. We can get better at this! In addition, research shows that further developing self-compassion has many positive benefits to our health and well-being.

Distress tolerance refers to our ability to tolerate distress and discomfort so we can see ourselves through to the other side of the mountain so-to-speak.

You can take steps to begin improving your distress tolerance by practicing supportive self-talk. For example, perhaps you recently changed careers and have been struggling with some sort of adjustment related to your new industry. Compassionate self-talk sounds like: “After recently making a career change, there is much to learn. It makes sense that I don’t feel completely secure yet, but I have the right supports in place to help me succeed.”

Or, perhaps you are working on shifting your relationship with self-imposed pressures and perfectionism, you might learn to say: “it makes sense that I would feel rattled or uncomfortable when I’m new at this because I care so much about doing a great job and have high standards for myself.” Or, “this is the first time I’ve gone through ‘becoming a parent’ and I am scared!! I want so bad to get this right and be present and have everything go off without a hitch, but I know there is so much that will be out of my control, and that’s hard for me.” 

Compassionate self-talk encourages us forward and it takes practice!

See if you can catch the “harsh self talk” this week and challenge yourself to shift it. Tolerating discomfort and allowing yourself to evolve are life skills worth strengthening!

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Deepening your understanding of your current boundary needs and setting a plan to honor them is radical self-love.

If you have a hard time setting boundaries, you might struggle to feel productive or that you’re truly tending to your own needs. Life often feels scary and overwhelming without them. You set boundaries to protect yourself and so you can be at your best. Thinking carefully about your boundaries with self and others helps you to be more intentional.

Can you think of a recent experience where you could have benefited from setting a better boundary?

When I first started my private practice back in 2014, some of the advice I received was “you want to be available anytime so you can accommodate appointments.” It can be easy to overextend yourself in the service of others–especially as a therapist. While this may sound like a great idea in theory, what I’ve learned in my decade of being a practicing therapist is that offering the special service of therapy is a very energy-sensitive kind of offering–one that requires great care to deliver well. If I am not rested, nourished, or if I’m struggling in some way to meet my own needs, it’s not possible for me to provide the best possible service to my clients. In being thoughtful about my boundaries when it comes to type of offering/ when I offer my services and for how long, I am able to map out my time in such a way that allows me to be at my best.

When you have good and clear boundaries with self and others, everyone wins. Because I have thought through my own needs, I’m able to be flexible in certain areas and I also know where I’m not able to be flexible.

What do boundary problems look like?

Boundary problems often present themselves in two ways: diffuse or rigid. When boundaries are too diffuse, we may struggle with enmeshed relationships. Essentially, there is too much closeness. When boundaries are too rigid, we might struggle to let someone in or build healthy connection with others. Essentially, we are too distant and have a hard time trusting others.

Boundary issues are important to correct and work on because they impact how we function in various relationships — with partners, colleagues, family members, friendships, and even on a first date.

Boundary issues can cause serious problems if unaddressed because they can lead us to being taken advantage of, exploited, or unable to feel entitled to stand our ground on an issue. They can also lead to shutting people out, isolating ourselves, and not asking for help when we need it.

In real life this might look like:

• Struggling to say no when you want to
• Not listening to yourself/ going against your judgment
• Indecision for fear of letting others down
• Giving in too easily
• Not being clear with others
• Subordinating your needs to others
• Withholding from others
• Closing self off from connection
• Struggling to reach out
• Struggling to make meaningful connections

What are intrapersonal boundaries?

A critical but often overlooked aspect of this work is intrapersonal boundaries or boundaries within self. We often think of boundaries in the context of being between people, but boundaries within self are just as important.

For example, how you might talk to yourself about engaging in a potentially harmful situation or leaving work at a normal time rather than overworking. Intrapersonal boundary work is especially important since we can’t change others, we can only change ourselves. You can begin to work on boundary issues by practicing out loud what it sounds like/ feels like to say “yes” and “no” in specific situations of your life.

I’ll share more about this in an upcoming post ; )

If you are struggling with this area, here are a few questions that might be helpful to consider:

• My ideal situation would be_____.
• I wish _____ was different about _______.
• What makes it tough to set a boundary when it comes to _______?
• How would it feel to have a more clear boundary in place as it relates to _______?
• What are my top priorities right now?
• What are three areas of struggle for me right now and how long has it felt this way?

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Frequency and Presentation:

It is estimated that depression affects approximately 16% of the US population.

Depression can feel like seeing life through dark sunglasses, making it hard to find any joy in daily life. You might feel withdrawn and desire to isolate more and more. Depression can look like prolonged sadness, loneliness, irritability, lack of motivation, sleep issues, frustration, anger, resentment, and can lead a person to isolate and pull away from connecting with others; inadvertently worsening the feelings of depression. Life then, can become a self fulfilling prophesy–you feel depressed and then you don’t take any action and because you don’t take action, you continue to feel depressed.

Sometimes it can feel so apparent that something needs to change, but actually taking that first step of asking for help feels like the hardest part. 

Context

In my experience, depression, and more generally speaking mood related issues, also manifest differently based on an individual’s identity, background, socialization, and environmental factors that are experienced as being “out of one’s control,” making it difficult to identify mood concerns as depression. One example of this was found in a recent study published by the Journal of the American Medical Association which found that when men are depressed they may experience symptoms that are different than what is included in the current diagnostic criteria. Although men were likely to experience many traditional depression symptoms, men were much more likely to report symptoms of anger attacks/aggression, irritability, substance abuse, and risk-taking behaviors over symptoms such as withdrawal from friends, sleep problems, and feelings of complaintiveness. (JAMA Psychiatry)

Depression may manifest as a major impairment or in a more mild form which prevents you from actively working toward your goals and living with more intention. If left untreated, depression can be quite damaging to your sense of self, perceived competence, and your ability to maintain satisfying relationships.

Finding Relief…

Therapy for depression includes constructing a plan to relieve symptoms which also involves developing a deeper understanding of how to feel empowered within the contextual factors that contribute to what you’re experiencing. A holistic, 6-part approach has been known to be effective when treating depression: 

• Brain Food– evaluating your diet and making changes to help support your mood and overall functioning can help to improve moods. I often collaborate with other providers such as your primary care physician and nutritionist in order to help you make improvements in a healthy and responsible way.
• Action-putting into place a plan that is doable. Setting achievable goals and following through with them is part of managing depression. Through therapy, we will also help you to put outside supports in place and create a sense of community for yourself.
• Exercise– studies have shown that just 35 minutes of working out even in the form of a simple brisk walk, can be just as impactful as medications for depression so it’s worth giving it a try. In therapy, you will be able to make a plan that works for your lifestyle so you can make realistic progress.
• Exposure to light-bright light stimulates the brain’s production of serotonin, which is crucial to our well-being. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter with widespread effects on mood and behavior. (The Depression Cure)
• Sleep-is critical to our overall well-being and worth working on to improve. Here are a few tips to help you make some adjustments (list adapted from the book The Depression Cure, by Dr. Stephen Ilardi):
  • Set the scene for sleep. What does your bedroom look and feel like? Is it peaceful and conducive to rest? If not, what small improvements can you make to help set the scene? Studies show that cooler temperatures and a dark room facilitates higher quality sleep.
  • Anytime you’ve been lying awake for fifteen minutes, get up, leave the bedroom, and do something relaxing until you feel drowsy enough to return to bed.
  • Avoid getting into bed anytime you aren’t drowsy.
  • Anything you do to increase your drowsiness should be done somewhere other than the bedroom.
  • You can make an exception in the case of sex.
  • Avoid sleeping anywhere other than your own bed (i.e.- sofa, guest room, recliner).
    • Also helpful: get up at the same time every day, avoid napping, avoid bright light at night, avoid caffeine and other stimulants, avoid alcohol at night, if possible, keep the same bedtime every night, avoid taking your problems to bed with you (try a brain dump in a journal before getting to bed for example), don’t try to fall asleep.
• Cultivate healthy, reciprocal connections/ let go of toxicity-connection heals and combats loneliness. All of us are born to connect. When we don’t feel meaningfully connected to others, we inevitably suffer. The late researcher, Dr. John Cacioppo developed the following acronym to help people with the process of cultivating connection. He believed it was important to EASE your way back into social connections…
  • The first E stands for “extend yourself,” but extend yourself safely. Do a little bit at a time.
  • The A is “have an action plan.” Recognize that it’s hard for you. Most people don’t need to like you, and most people won’t. So deal with that, it’s not a judgment of you, there’s lots of things going on. Ask [other people] about themselves, get them talking about their interests.
  • The S is “seek collectives.” People like similar others, people who have similar interests, activities, values. That makes it easier to find a synergy.
  • And finally when you do those things, “Expect” the best. The reason for that is to try to counteract this hyper-vigilance for social threat.  

Hope

Therapy can be instrumental in making important shifts when it comes to managing depression. In my practice, I work with folks to help them honor what their depression may be trying to communicate and set a realistic plan to create a healthy routine and connection. Together we’ll work to help you gain a sense of stability while creating a more sustainable path forward. Treatment will take into consideration your history, past coping mechanisms, overall health and wellness, and your current support system and aim to strengthen these areas. Therapy is a unique type of service in that it requires you to be active both inside and outside of the therapy office. With that said, therapy requires a commitment to the process and a willingness to try something new and different.

Lisa A. Martin, PhD¹; Harold W. Neighbors, PhD²; Derek M. Griffith, PhD^3,4

JAMA Psychiatry. 2013;70(10):1100-1106. doi:10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2013.1985

The Depression Cure by Stephen Ilardi

**This post is meant to provide general educational information regarding the management of depression; it does not take the place of therapy or medical advice from your doctor.

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While browsing a local museum shop a while back (so much love for museum shops!), this nature-inspired pottery caught my eye. While I loved the colors and craftsmanship, I was most struck by the description of the artist…

The description mentioned where the artist ‘takes classes.’ This took me by surprise since I would have expected it to read where she might teach classes instead of where she is a student…I got to thinking about the value of maintaining a beginner’s mind as we move through life…

The value of a beginner’s mind…

There are so many “firsts” in life. The first time you go on a date, the first time you start to date someone seriously, the first time you experience heartbreak, a new job, a new city, a new position, a new life experience such as becoming a parent. All of these “firsts” naturally involve A LOT of not knowing — and not knowing can be difficult, scary, and highly unpleasant.

In an attempt to control the discomfort, we may become defensive or agitated or frustrated throughout the process. Or, we might shut people out because we can’t tolerate the idea that perhaps we might look a little sloppy while we are learning…

‘New’ implies there is a neediness, and needy can be a difficult emotion to navigate.

But perhaps there is value in shifting the perspective.

Michelangelo’s famous last words “I am still learning” or “ancora imparo” in Italian are wise and powerful because they remind us that even a master can admit they don’t know it all, that they are still being influenced by new information; new relationships. Relationship researcher, Dr. John Gottman found that being open to influence is essential in satisfying intimate relationships. And in order to be open, we must first accept that we don’t know it all.

Why do we resist?

People can have a complicated relationship to being new at something because it naturally implies that things will “be out of sorts” for a time — messy; uncomfortable; unpredictable and usually frustrating. We might lack confidence and feel uncertain and struggle with the experience of lacking proficiency. This can be very challenging for some of us as it might be difficult to tolerate feelings of uncertainty or vulnerability.

However, as hard as it might be, there is beauty in being a beginner. There are many important relationship lessons to learn from the experience of being new at something…

It’s human nature to want things to make sense and to fit. Being new at something challenges all of that! We might want to make something concrete when in fact, it just isn’t –  it’s more abstract, and it requires us to tolerate ambiguity and uncertainty while we grow to understand it further. Or, it challenges us to tolerate the discomfort of personal struggle. I see this a lot in my work with new parents. It can be incredibly challenging to adjust to a new identity where so much is unknown. There is so much that is expected of you while simultaneously, you are charged with learning as you go. It’s overwhelming!

What’s it like to admit you don’t know something?

What’s it like to sit with your unique learning process when you are new?

What’s it’s like to remain curious with someone you’ve known for years?

This can be challenging for all of us!

It might feel extremely uncomfortable – incredibly vulnerable even, you might even perceive it to be unacceptable. Sometimes, certainty and being 100% sure is what’s encouraged/called for; it might go against the culture in which you’re immersed (think being a surgeon for example). Perhaps it’s difficult to admit when you’re wrong or when you’ve made a mistake because mistakes are viewed as unacceptable. This might be part of our conditioning too – depending on our experiences in our family of origin.

What we can learn from being a beginner…

There was a time even the most experienced among us were once new at our craft—feeling scared, incompetent, uncertain, and afraid. But things are always changing. “No feeling is final” -Rainer Maria Rilke

In practicing having needs, we get to be vulnerable and we can seek out and receive comfort, help, and support. As a beginner, we get to practice important relationship skills like asking for help, articulating our needs, the experience of being vulnerable; we get to work on the art of receiving and leaning on others.

To practice being okay with not knowing is to practice being open and vulnerable. These are critical skills in communication and in relationships because they allow us to practice being present and honoring where we are at — wherever that may be.

Here are a few valuable lessons that can come from being a beginner and why they can produce important results:

Learning how to receive…

Cultivating a healthy sense of entitlement is so important! We need to allow ourselves the beautiful gift of receiving. This can be a vulnerable experience for many of us because it requires that we allow someone in to play a role in our lives. If we pride ourselves on being independent and self-sufficient, this can feel especially out of our comfort zone. Receiving can be tricky. It’s an acknowledgement that we have needs and desires. Learning how to receive and prioritize pleasure in your life is essential for satisfaction in intimate relationships. Many folks struggle with this and it is worthwhile to explore what is keeping you stuck or preventing you from seeking out or allowing yourself ‘to receive’ more often in your relationships.

Asking for help

Similar to learning how to receive, asking for help can be a challenge too. It implies we don’t have it all together and that we need others. When we ask for help, we are allowing someone to be there for us. Asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness. No one knows it all, and no one knows you better than you know yourself.

In order to connect with others in an authentic way, we need to know where we tend to get stuck. If we came from a background where it wasn’t safe to ask for help or we felt rejected by our caregivers, we might never have learned to reach out and make our needs known. This can lead to an internal sense of loneliness. It can be a struggle to unlearn this; to allow yourself to shift perspective and try something new.  Asking for help requires that we identify and articulate our needs. In relationship, this is necessary when it comes to experiencing intimacy and connection. 

Understanding vulnerability

Vulnerabilities are important to understand because they can get in the way of cultivating genuine connection. Getting to know and understand your unique vulnerabilities requires self-examination. Sharing yourself authentically with others and allowing others to do the same with you is the foundation for building intimacy.

Vulnerabilities can form as a result of many life experiences including traumatic events, chronic patterns in our families of origin, painful experiences in prior love relationships, poverty, stigma, oppression, illness, physical limitation, and disparities of power imbalances between partners.

When we are new at something, we might feel especially vulnerable because we are more likely in a position of relying on others for help. In intimate relationships, ‘helping’ can be a way to show love and it can be difficult to do at times because it means admitting that we don’t have all the answers or that we we need others.

“Whenever we love we must deal with feelings of vulnerability and risk in relation to the loved person. We must grapple with the possibility that our hearts can be broken and that we can lose the loved person to betrayal, rejection, divorce, or death. Ultimately we do not have control over their feelings and actions. At the same time, on a daily basis, we must trust that the beloved will be there for us. In order to sustain a relationship over time, we must handle these existential contradictions of adult love by managing our fears and vulnerabilities in ways that are not detrimental to the relationship.” -Michele Scheinkman, The Family Process

The chance to practice self-compassion (when it counts the most)

Self-compassion helps us to navigate the rough terrain with kind attention and care. In deepening our empathy for ourselves and our own experience of being human, we learn important lessons that can help us to have empathy for others too. This is an essential skill in relationships. Self-compassion helps to promote personal growth. We can learn to say: “that was tough, and I didn’t have all the answers, but I made it through; I am a resilient person.” Or, “I understand myself differently as a result of that experience; it taught me more about what I actually want.”

Why self-compassion can be a challenge?

If we grew up in an environment where it was best to suppress our true feelings in order to survive, we may have learned to be harsh with ourselves to get through difficult times. Self-compassion might not have been seen as valuable or important and so we never learned to practice it. You can improve self-compassion with practice. You can start by noticing when you say harsh things to self and then work to shift the statements to a more empathic view. This can help you to grow stronger because you are allowing yourself the space to be imperfect with kindness. This is what all children need to feel in order to be encouraged and to develop strong self-belief. However, we often have some inner child healing work to do in order to get better at offering it to ourselves.

Being new is something to celebrate not avoid!

While the feeling of not knowing or being inexperienced is uncomfortable, it is necessary for our personal growth and can teach us important relationship skills. Deepening our sense of self-compassion as we learn can help us experience greater intimacy in our lives.

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I hope you are safe and well as we continue to navigate these uncertain and scary times together. 

I wanted to take a moment to share a few thoughts/ resources in the hope that it spreads some hope and serves as a gentle reminder that we have the capacity to exercise some control as we go through our days in the context of this unprecedented time due to COVID-19.

Creating a sense of control…

If there is any possible silver lining to self isolation, it may be that it is allowing us to reflect more deeply on how we spend our days. Perhaps this can help us to evaluate our intentions and be more present with our choices, our boundaries, and the people we choose to keep close. However, in addition to social distance, some of us may also be tasked with actually caring for loved ones who fall ill as we are all being significantly impacted in a variety of ways. Let’s not forget that we are all in this together. Kindness, curiosity, and small acts of care can go a long way!

There is no point in sugar coating: crisis mode is scary. Uncertainty can leave us with a feeling of losing control — unable to act in constructive ways. Sometimes it helps just to share with someone any strong feelings we might be having so that we can allow ourselves to receive some support and comfort.

Let’s not forget that there is so much healing energy in just listening and feeling heard. You can do this for a partner, a friend, a neighbor, a family member, or a colleague. You can also do it for yourself – through journaling or meditating, for example.

Making adjustments…

As we continue to adjust to social distancing, new work schedules, and increased time at home alone or with family, it’s important to keep a sense of structure to our days. If we have small children, this is especially important. In maintaining a schedule, we can have a sense of normalcy and take the necessary steps to move through our days with a sense of purpose and control. 

When we are in a space of extreme unknowns, fear can trigger our stress response cycle. It can take a toll and leave us feeling stuck if we don’t respond to it and work to stabilize ourselves. 

In working to stabilize, putting supports in place, and creating new routines, we can do what we can to maintain a sense of inner peace, self-control, and normalcy when facing the uncertainty of the outside world. 

Start small…

When feeling overwhelmed, start very small – even just focusing on our breath can have a significant impact on helping us to calm down so that we can become more effective. Just taking three deep breaths in and out, calmly and very slowly can help us regulate. 

It takes our bodies approximately 20-minutes to calm down from a heightened state of arousal, think: when we are upset with someone, in an tough argument with a partner, or when we are feeling frustrated or triggered by something. This is because the stress hormones that are released when in fight, flight, or freeze mode need time to leave our bloodstream. We need to calm down in order to be effective. So take some time today (individually or with a partner) to do some deep breathing and get to a more settled place. 

Creating an action plan to stabilize ourselves (as best we can), our relationships, and our family can help. There may be many feelings of fear and worry swirling around and this is a perfectly normal response to what has been unfolding as a result of the pandemic. These emotions are to be expected while experiencing a collective community/ global trauma. It’s important to honor any feelings that might be coming up by processing them so that you can feel supported in making a plan that works. It may be a good idea to take some space to gain clarity and talk through the worries by preserving some space in the coming weeks to unpack them in a thoughtful manner. 

Setting boundaries + intentions…

You may find that, in order to stabilize, you have to take certain steps to help you sustain yourself and this may involve making tough decisions too.

This might include talking through how to care for older family members, how to navigate childcare, finding time for good virtual social supports, and managing time for both work and personal while at home. 

If you are living with a partner, you may find it’s important to preserve some alone time along with your together time so that you can maintain connection and balance in your relationship while self-quarantining. 

Taking time to open up about these important areas can be incredibly helpful when it comes to feeling more in control and maintaining a sense of calm. In discussion, you have a chance to better understand yourself and what action steps you may need to take to feel more grounded. 

You may find that you will need to sort out a more constructive way to work from home so that you can maintain your projects and responsibilities. This may also involve evaluating your present boundaries and updating them or making some small adjustments. 

Take some time to organize yourself and get clear on how best to proceed given your unique situation. This is a unique circumstance where self-compassion is critical.

Give yourself a break…

Moving through COVID-19 is stressful! Save all the harshness for another time. (Better yet, just get rid of the harsh self-talk altogether!) 

You will not have everything perfectly sorted in a day. It might take a little time to work out a good system for yourself and loved ones and that’s okay. 

There is no right way to start, we just have to start. 

Fear has a way of robbing us of our ability to make good decisions and act rationally. From a grounded place, we can set the stage for the right action steps to take in order to maintain a sense of personal control and stability. 

A few simple suggestions to help you move through the coming weeks:

Create cozy moments in your day

It might be preparing a special meal, listening to music, lighting a candle, or using a special body oil. Shifting the atmosphere – even in a small way, can help promote a sense of calm and improve our mood. 

maintain at least 20 minutes of physical activity a few days per week

With many gyms closed and most of us staying indoors for much or all of the day, workout routines are significantly disrupted. Perhaps you can do a few reps of strength training or floor exercises to help you get moving. You may want to put on some music and just dance for 20 minutes or even join a virtual dance party. Any movement can help to significantly boost mood, complete the stress-response cycle, and help promote a sense of calm. 

Be thoughtful about nutrition and especially processed sugar intake

While we are more restricted with our days, it seems even more important than normal to pay close attention to our nutritional intake and maintain high doses of fruits and veggies now. Perhaps take a little special care to add in a few more servings of the good stuff over these next few weeks. You may want to use some time to pay a little more attention to meal prep in general. 

Dedicate some time to have a few stress-reducing conversations with a partner or a friend 

Social support and connection are essential to our well-being and especially in times of significant uncertainty. In stressful times, we need to experience both giving and receiving in order to help maintain feelings of closeness. A stress-reducing conversation helps you feel calm and cared for, try it out!

Plan some virtual dates with friends/ family

Get together with people! Just because we are limiting our time out doesn’t mean we have to stop socializing altogether. Schedule some time to talk to your people. We are all in this together and maintaining connection matters.

Maintain a normal routine/ schedule of activities, naps, mealtimes for kids

Kids need structure to thrive. If you have little ones and they are used to going to school or daycare, you will need to help recreate their activities and schedule so that they have a sense of what to expect day to day. It can help to have a few activities on hand similar to the activities and experiences your child may be involved in when going to daycare or school. You can help them to transition smoothly to being at home full-time by planning ahead to structure their day in a way that feels familiar and comforting. 

Protect your energy levels

It’s important to preserve a sense of peace as best we can. Let the news update instead of dominate. This can be tough when it feels we are constantly bombarded with the latest stories. However, it’s important to set limits and boundaries around how much exposure is necessary and helpful. You may find it’s helpful to try and balance staying informed with disconnecting by a certain time. Or, perhaps setting a time to stop checking for updates can be a helpful boundary. 

Get adequate rest and prioritize your sleep

Creating rituals to shut down your day can be helpful. If sleep has been a challenge more recently, perhaps you can just start with one small adjustment like making some soothing tea about 30-minutes prior to sleep or setting a time to put down all screens to start your bedtime routine. If you find yourself worried about your to-do list before bed, you may want to try a ‘brain dump’ exercise where you write down all the things you’d like to get to in order to release it. This can help you to psychologically give yourself permission to rest. 

These small behavior changes can go a long way in terms of creating the right atmosphere to help sleep come more easily. Remember, you don’t have to have it all figured out right away, you can just start with one small thing to help you move closer to the goal. If sleep has been problematic, here are some great tips to help you along.

A few news break distractions/ helpful resources:

The Tribeca Film Festival, like so many cultural/ community events, has been put on hold for the time being. However, you can still enjoy some entertaining shorts when you sign for their newsletter. You can check out their latest one here.

If struggling to get more organized at home, check out this great article featuring Karin Bohn’s design tips for how to set up a work space at home (when used to working in an office).

This interesting interview featuring Lori Gottlieb about her new book: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone – where she journeys into her experience both as a therapist and as a client. 

If you are feeling particularly tense, take a few minutes to listen to some running water or the sounds of a forest…check out the Mindfulness Coach app for a variety of brief meditations to help you relax and ground yourself. The nature sounds can be found under practice now—> all —> mindful listening. 

In addition, I’ll be hosting a free (ongoing) virtual mindfulness group on Mondays from 11:30-12:00. So if you’d like a little FaceTime with a familiar face where we practice some skills together, please join me! You can sign up here.

In keeping with the present safety measures, Modern MFT is now offering virtual sessions so we have the chance to meet face to face in the comfort of home. If you find yourself needing some additional support, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Well, I do hope there’s something useful in here for you; and feel free to share this with others if you think it might be helpful. These are anxiety-provoking and uncertain times, so please treat yourself kindly. And remember the words of Winston Churchill: ‘When you’re going through hell, keep going.’

Sending you peace and positive energy. 

Warmly,

Jennifer 

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