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There are certain qualities that naturally draw us to a romantic partner—traits that excite us, inspire us, and make us feel connected. But sometimes, those very same qualities that once felt so magnetic can later become a source of tension. For example, you might be drawn to someone’s ambition—their drive, their passion, the way they chase after their goals. But as time goes on, that ambition might start to feel like a wall between you, morphing into long work hours, missed plans, and a sense that quality time isn’t a priority.

This doesn’t mean the person is flawed or that you made a mistake in choosing them. The truth is, every one of us is made up of qualities that both attract and challenge others. No one will be perfectly aligned with us in every way, and part of being in a relationship means developing a tolerance for the full spectrum of who someone is. It’s about making space—not just for the moments where everything feels easy, but also for the times when differences arise.

Learning to Navigate Disappointment Can Promote Growth

People will disappoint us. It’s part of being close. Real connection—especially lasting love—comes with risk. Hurt will happen. But pain doesn’t mean failure. It means we care. We’re alive. And love, like anything meaningful, comes with vulnerability.

That doesn’t mean tolerating everything or abandoning your boundaries. It means recognizing that, just like we want to be accepted in full, our partners do too. When we create space for imperfection, we build trust. We grow our capacity to love with flexibility, strength, and grace.

Making Space for Imperfection in Relationships

Disappointment in relationships can feel jarring—especially in your 30s and 40s, when you’re craving stability, depth, and emotional safety. Whether you’re with a longtime partner or in something new, the gap between what you imagined and what’s happening can feel wide. How you respond to that gap matters. It can either bring you closer—or push you apart.

One powerful shift? Let others get it wrong sometimes. Without withdrawing love. Without assuming the worst. Without trying to reshape them. Stay curious. Stay kind. Let go of the urge to make others match your comfort zone.

This isn’t about ignoring your needs. It’s about softening rigid expectations. It’s about allowing missteps without making them mean more than they do. Real connection grows in that space. It’s where empathy, growth, and resilience live.

Need Help Reconnecting? Try a Relational Tune-Up

Feeling stuck in the same arguments or emotional patterns? You’re not alone. A relational tune-up can help. These short-term, accelerated therapy sessions offer focused support when you need it most. They’re ideal if you’re ready for change—but don’t want to spend months waiting.

With thoughtful, high-impact care, you can explore stuck dynamics, strengthen communication, and reconnect emotionally—with clarity and compassion.

Because sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is make space—for growth, for grace, and for each other.

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You should sit in nature for 20 minutes a day…unless you’re busy, then you should sit for an hour – Zen saying

Our relationship to nature can be a complex one. Exploring more deeply our personal experiences and what constitutes quality time in nature can help us to be more intentional when it comes to prioritizing our mental health and wellness. 

Many of us might feel stuck at a desk for most of the day and struggle to prioritize an adequate amount of time in nature. It’s important to consider not only how much time you spend in nature but also the quality of that time. Recent studies demonstrate that regular, meaningful contact with nature is correlated with greater mental and physical health, just as minimal or no contact with nature is associated with symptoms such as depression, anxiety, a sense of malaise, feelings of emptiness, attention problems, poor sleep, obesity, heart disease, and hypertension (Barton & Pretty, 2010; Martyn & Brymer, 2016; Weng & Chiang, 2014).

At the American Family Therapy Academy’s national conference a few years back, I heard a wonderful and thought-provoking talk about taking an eco-informed approach to therapy which left a major impression on me.

The presenter, Dr. Tracey Laszloffy, emphasized the importance of helping clients to not only take inventory of how much time they spend in nature, but also helping them to assess the quality of their time in nature. So for example, if we are “in nature” but glued to our phone the entire time, are we truly experiencing the many benefits of nature?

In modern times, it is not unusual for many of us to be without much time in nature for weeks or even months at a time.

In a newly published article in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, Dr. Lazsloffy and her colleague Dr. Davis share:

Our hope is to invite a consideration of the role of nature in one’s life (and vice‐versa), prompt a sincere reflection on one’s values about nature, and commit to assessing for and encouraging regular involvement with nature should clients so desire. (Lazsloffy & Davis, 2019)

Although the journal article is geared specifically toward mental health professionals, these insightful questions can help anyone to take a closer look at their relationship to nature and begin to explore it further: 

• What kind of interactions did you have with nature as a child?
• How did you play or not play outdoors?
• How much or how little did your parents engage with you in outdoor activities?
• What thoughts and feelings did you have about nature as a child?
• What thoughts and feelings do you currently have about nature?
• How would you describe your relationship with nature?
• What, if any, value does nature have to you?
• How much time do you currently spend outdoors each week?
• Is this amount of time acceptable to you? Does it meet your needs? If not, what prevents you from having more time?
• What effect does interacting with/spending time in nature have on you?
• Where are your favorite outdoor places and spaces? Why?
• What are your most feared or disliked natural places/spaces? Why?
• To what extent are you able to derive comfort and healing from the natural world?

As indigenous communities have long understood, and as a growing body of research is beginning to demonstrate, an essential component of health and wellness involves having regular, meaningful contact with nature. (Besthorn, Wulff, & St. George, 2010; Louv, 2011; Pretty, 2004; Weng & Chiang, 2014).

Given the commitment that family therapists have to contextualizing our understanding of human experience, it only makes sense that we would include the ecological context in our consideration. (Laszloffy & Davis 2019)

If you’d like to increase quality time spent in nature, what are some of your obstacles? What’s one step you can take this week to help you move closer to your wish?

References:

Besthorn, F. H., Wulff, D., & St. George, S.(2010). Eco‐spiritual helping and postmodern therapy: A deeper ecological framework. Ecopsychology, 2(1), 23–32.

Louv, R. (2011). The nature principle: Human restoration and the end of nature‐deficit disorder. Chapel Hill, NC: Algonquin Books.

Pretty, J. (2004). How nature contributes to mental and physical health. Spirituality and Health International, 5, 68–78.

Weng, P., & Chiang, Y. (2014). Psychological restoration through indoor and outdoor leisure activities. Journal of Leisure Research, 46(2), 203–217.

Barton, J., & Pretty, J. (2010). What is the best dose of nature and green exercise for improving mental health? A multi‐study analysis. Environmental Science and Technology, 44(10), 3947–3955.

Martyn, P., & Brymer, E. (2016). The relationship between nature relatedness and anxiety. Journal of Health Psychology, 21, 1436–1445.

Laszloffy, T. A., & Davis, S. D. (2019). Nurturing nature: Exploring ecological self-of-the-therapist issues. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 45(1), pp. 176-185.

For more information on this topic, you can check out the following resources:

Videos

A playlist of TED talks focusing on reconnecting with nature: https://www.ted.com/playlists/398/reconnect_with_nature

Podcasts

http://www.npr.org/2013/09/27/216098121/everything-is-connected

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Therapy offers a tailored approach to your personal development and improvement, and it provides a safe space to address a variety of concerns that are preventing you from enjoying your life to the fullest.

As a therapist, I can tell you that many of my clients reach out because they are struggling with a major life transition, a painful relationship issue, career related concerns, or a family conflict. Other times, people reach out to improve their physical intimacy and the quality of their communication with their partners. Sometimes they come in to develop healthy coping skills and work on living in more alignment with their personal values.

Additionally, some people come in to work on wounds that were never properly cleaned or ‘disinfected’ so-to-speak, and so the work involves ‘removing the bandaid,’ tending to the damage, and re-bandaging the wound so that it can finally heal.

To help my clients, I first listen carefully not only to their personal stories and what brings them in, but also to the many different narratives that make up their unique identities.

I walk with people for little while, holding hope, strength, and the firm belief that things can improve…

I founded Modern Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC to expand my capacity to help others to live fuller, more enjoyable lives by addressing issues and patterns that are acting as barriers to real connection and personal fulfillment. My  approach is based on the belief that the therapy experience should feel safe, open, honest, and constructive. I help my clients take the necessary steps to make their lives and relationships more fulfilling, productive, and easier.

”We get together on the basis of our similarities, we grow on the basis of our differences.”

-Virginia Satir

The post Do I need therapy? Maybe. Probably. Don’t we all? appeared first on Modern MFT.

The MAP 90-minute consult for couples provides a safe space to explore relationship concerns without the pressure to commit to ongoing weekly therapy as partners. I have found in my years of working with couples that sometimes a psychoeducational consultation is exactly what is needed.

Improving Communication With a Partner

“Communication issues” is the top reason couples seek help in my practice. Through my training and extensive experience, communication can be greatly improved once we know where the issue(s) stems from. What gets complicated is that each partner has their own subjective experience. If that experience is not understood and respected, difficulties arise.

I provide my clients with a much needed safe space and the tailored guidance to address these issues with the goal of creating a different experience in our session. Once we understand the cycle, partners can begin to develop the awareness and know-how to carry it into home life once our session is completed. So often, partners do not dedicate the time necessary to cultivate meaningful change. The MAP 90-minute consultation provides a blueprint for what this work can look like so you leave with a better sense for how to improve the feeling of being understood and listened to in your relationship.

The Right Support Matters

Communication involves an understanding of the issues and a sense of what the problem is from the other person’s perspective. It requires listening but also the ability to calm yourself so that important messages can be received. In my session, we review this together and have the opportunity to practice several activities designed to strengthen each partner’s ability to improve this necessary area.

If partners have never been in therapy before, we may spend some time talking about family-of-origin and helping each person to gain a deeper understanding of each other and how each individual came to be the person they are today. We will review concepts of compromise, how to self-soothe, how to soothe and comfort each other in ways that really work, and we will also cover how to reduce stress and improve connection using a unique tool that you can practice each week at home. This therapy consult provides you with a comforting and encouraging space to learn and grow and gain tools that you can use in life and in your most valued relationships.

Enhancing Intimacy in Relationships 

Often, we are faced with what seems like an endless stream of responsibilities and obligations that it can feel like there is just not enough time to cultivate a strong sense of intimacy—with our partner or with others. It’s easy to try and go it alone, to withstand the pressures and struggles without a sense of closeness or support–but doing so is usually not sustainable for very long. According to therapist/ author Patricia Love, intimacy is a curious phenomenon in that most couples profess to want more of it, but few people can define what it is. She defines intimacy as communicating on a personal level.

Intimacy helps us to feel connected and understood. We must be careful not to confuse significant knowledge with a strong sense of intimacy. It’s possible to know a lot about your partner and lack a sense of intimacy. Rather, intimacy involves more of a meaningful sharing and responsiveness between partners.

This powerful experience in relationship has the capacity to make us feel valued, cared for, and loved. As a therapist who helps people to enhance the quality of their relationships, I have seen many people improve their ability to experience greater intimacy in their lives through consistent effort and increased self-awareness. To start, it is helpful to create your own definition so you can begin to build awareness of your own needs when it comes to intimacy. In our consultation, you can expect that you will improve your intimacy by learning to:

• Give each other your full attention
• Listen carefully for meaning
• Validate each other’s reality

The second point is key here because so often we can become easily caught up in content and fail to truly understand the meaning of what is being shared. Our tailored 90-minute session will help you get to the essence and meaning  – so you can experience each other with a new perspective. To begin your personal development journey, here are a few key questions to consider when thinking about improving intimacy in your life:

• What’s important about intimacy to me?
• How comfortable am I in communicating my emotional wants and dislikes?
• How do I tend to handle conflict in my relationships?
• What’s one area I’d like to improve when it comes to my emotional responsiveness in relationships?
• When do I feel most connected or fulfilled in my significant relationship(s)? Was there a particular situation that brought that feeling out this week? What contributed to my feelings of intimacy at that time?

Intimacy, along with trust, desire, communication, and affection create a strong foundation for high quality relationships to flourish. The best part is– is that all of these areas can be further developed and improved!

Coping with Major Life Transitions

Major life transitions can be super stressful. When we are struggling or feeling overwhelmed or going through a tough time, we are not at our best. Our fuse is short, we lack patience, and we might struggle to get the needed response and support from our partner. This can change with the help of an experienced and licensed therapist who knows how to help you make the shifts that create the desired result. We work together to help you experience relief so that you can stay strong and adaptable in your relationship and deepen the skills needed to move through the tough times. Perhaps you recently became parents, or maybe you decided to move in together, maybe you are going through changes in life that have greatly influenced how you experience the relationship as a whole; whatever you are going through that has caused tension or discomfort can be explored in the MAP for couples. I look forward to the opportunity to help you feel closer and more connected in your relationship!

Warmly,

Jennifer

The post What is the Modern Accelerated Program (MAP 90-minute consultation) and How Can it Help? appeared first on Modern MFT.

Reasons for Therapy

While mental and emotional health should be considered on par with taking care of one’s physical health, these critical needs are commonly overlooked and neglected. Exploring where we are stuck and addressing issues proactively is no doubt challenging work. As a therapist, it has been really wonderful to see that we are experiencing an exciting cultural shift as the stigma of therapy is reduced and more and more people pursue therapy and experience the many benefits. 

Healthy Relationships & Optimal Health

While many people can acknowledge that the quality of life is greatly influenced by the quality of our relationships, individuals often struggle alone for many years before seeking professional help. It is especially typical for couples to allow conflicts to worsen significantly before seeking the appropriate treatment. In fact, relationship research completed at the Gottman Institute shows that most couples wait on average, seven years from the onset of a problem before reaching out. So it’s a great idea to address issues as they present in life and not let them worsen significantly.

Often, we know something is off with how we are going about life and we know we want it to feel better, but we just haven’t considered therapy as an option – maybe we aren’t that familiar with it, or it just seems out of reach in some way. Often, people find they come to therapy when it simply doesn’t feel like an option not to. Usually, there is some sort of incident or experience that happened that finally triggers the action of actually calling and making an appointment. 

Emotional Health & Wellness is Rooted in Our Ability to Connect…

Meaningful connection to others is a key component of a happy life. However, we can all agree that life and relationships are messy at times. We know that despite being digitally connected to many people, loneliness is at an all time high in our current culture. A person can be quite accomplished in many aspects of life and simultaneously continue to struggle in other important areas including their relationships or ability to cope (in healthy ways) with life’s diverse challenges. Often, we can get into a damaging pattern of putting ourselves/ our needs last. 

Therapy is a safe space to discuss what’s really happening in your life. It naturally provides accountability so that abstract future goals can begin to take shape and action steps can be taken. It offers personalized support, guidance, and encouragement to help you design and implement a better plan for yourself moving forward. Many of my clients report a significant increase in clarity from therapy, or this feeling that what was keeping them stuck in some sort of struggle is somehow lifted. 

Therapy also provides the added benefit of more lasting results – so that the issues and frustrating moments that a person is currently experiencing can become much easier to handle and connection with others feels easier and less stressful.

Whether you are addressing relationship conflict or problematic patterns of anxiety or avoidance in relationships, dealing with destructive anger, developing healthier coping skills, or finding the courage to make a significant change in your life, therapy can help.

The Therapy Experience is Unique to Each Individual…

The therapy room is a special place. It’s where a person can feel free to share what’s really going on in their life without fear of judgement. It’s where healing happens and resilience is strengthened. I love being a therapist because I get to develop a very unique and special kind of healing relationship that ultimately enables my clients to live a happier, more fulfilling life.

Whether I’m working with an individual or a couple, the therapy room is a vibrant place. Sometimes there is an emphasis on creating major change over an extended period of time and other times, therapy is used more intensively on a short term basis (I often do this type of work in the form of my Modern Accelerated Programs.)

Relationship conflict, disconnection, frustration, and struggles around coping doesn’t have to stay problematic. With a desire to grow and a willingness to put in the effort, you can create a more fulfilling future. Many of my clients are adults in their 30s, and 40s who are dealing with relationship stressors, the process of dating and discovering what kind of relationships feel most fulfilling to them or are looking to enhance their ability to cope with stressful challenges and major life transitions in healthier ways.

Sometimes in looking more closely at their days, people realize that there are certain patterns that they are engaging in that really aren’t serving them or bringing them closer to the kind of life they most want to live.

Through therapy, we uncover the source of the struggles and work together to create healing, peace and fulfillment so that life feels easier.

If you know you want to go to therapy, but are struggling with the idea of how to make space during the work week for the recurring appointment, this article provides a lot of valuable and helpful information regarding how to approach work about taking an extended lunch (for therapy) or allowing you to leave work early for therapy. While each person’s situation is different in terms of the flexibility they have access to, it is helpful to be aware of possible barriers and how to address them. Since therapy requires a weekly time commitment, it’s helpful to plan ahead and be prepared to advocate for yourself should you need to use part of your work day (one day a week) for personal development.

If you’d like to get started in therapy, I would be happy to talk with you. I can be reached at 917.708.7088 to schedule a session. I look forward to having the opportunity to work with you!

Warmly,

Jennifer Uhrlass, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

The post The Benefits of Therapy… appeared first on Modern MFT.

Esther Perel provides new insights and hopeful possibilities for couples who have endured a trust violation in the form of an affair. This inspiring talk applies to anyone seeking to understand intimate relationships more deeply.

https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved

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