I hope you are safe and well as we continue to navigate these uncertain and scary times together. 

I wanted to take a moment to share a few thoughts/ resources in the hope that it spreads some hope and serves as a gentle reminder that we have the capacity to exercise some control as we go through our days in the context of this unprecedented time due to COVID-19.

Creating a sense of control…

If there is any possible silver lining to self isolation, it may be that it is allowing us to reflect more deeply on how we spend our days. Perhaps this can help us to evaluate our intentions and be more present with our choices, our boundaries, and the people we choose to keep close. However, in addition to social distance, some of us may also be tasked with actually caring for loved ones who fall ill as we are all being significantly impacted in a variety of ways. Let’s not forget that we are all in this together. Kindness, curiosity, and small acts of care can go a long way!

There is no point in sugar coating: crisis mode is scary. Uncertainty can leave us with a feeling of losing control — unable to act in constructive ways. Sometimes it helps just to share with someone any strong feelings we might be having so that we can allow ourselves to receive some support and comfort.

Let’s not forget that there is so much healing energy in just listening and feeling heard. You can do this for a partner, a friend, a neighbor, a family member, or a colleague. You can also do it for yourself – through journaling or meditating, for example.

Making adjustments…

As we continue to adjust to social distancing, new work schedules, and increased time at home alone or with family, it’s important to keep a sense of structure to our days. If we have small children, this is especially important. In maintaining a schedule, we can have a sense of normalcy and take the necessary steps to move through our days with a sense of purpose and control. 

When we are in a space of extreme unknowns, fear can trigger our stress response cycle. It can take a toll and leave us feeling stuck if we don’t respond to it and work to stabilize ourselves. 

In working to stabilize, putting supports in place, and creating new routines, we can do what we can to maintain a sense of inner peace, self-control, and normalcy when facing the uncertainty of the outside world. 

Start small…

When feeling overwhelmed, start very small – even just focusing on our breath can have a significant impact on helping us to calm down so that we can become more effective. Just taking three deep breaths in and out, calmly and very slowly can help us regulate. 

It takes our bodies approximately 20-minutes to calm down from a heightened state of arousal, think: when we are upset with someone, in an tough argument with a partner, or when we are feeling frustrated or triggered by something. This is because the stress hormones that are released when in fight, flight, or freeze mode need time to leave our bloodstream. We need to calm down in order to be effective. So take some time today (individually or with a partner) to do some deep breathing and get to a more settled place. 

Creating an action plan to stabilize ourselves (as best we can), our relationships, and our family can help. There may be many feelings of fear and worry swirling around and this is a perfectly normal response to what has been unfolding as a result of the pandemic. These emotions are to be expected while experiencing a collective community/ global trauma. It’s important to honor any feelings that might be coming up by processing them so that you can feel supported in making a plan that works. It may be a good idea to take some space to gain clarity and talk through the worries by preserving some space in the coming weeks to unpack them in a thoughtful manner. 

Setting boundaries + intentions…

You may find that, in order to stabilize, you have to take certain steps to help you sustain yourself and this may involve making tough decisions too.

This might include talking through how to care for older family members, how to navigate childcare, finding time for good virtual social supports, and managing time for both work and personal while at home. 

If you are living with a partner, you may find it’s important to preserve some alone time along with your together time so that you can maintain connection and balance in your relationship while self-quarantining. 

Taking time to open up about these important areas can be incredibly helpful when it comes to feeling more in control and maintaining a sense of calm. In discussion, you have a chance to better understand yourself and what action steps you may need to take to feel more grounded. 

You may find that you will need to sort out a more constructive way to work from home so that you can maintain your projects and responsibilities. This may also involve evaluating your present boundaries and updating them or making some small adjustments. 

Take some time to organize yourself and get clear on how best to proceed given your unique situation. This is a unique circumstance where self-compassion is critical.

Give yourself a break…

Moving through COVID-19 is stressful! Save all the harshness for another time. (Better yet, just get rid of the harsh self-talk altogether!) 

You will not have everything perfectly sorted in a day. It might take a little time to work out a good system for yourself and loved ones and that’s okay. 

There is no right way to start, we just have to start. 

Fear has a way of robbing us of our ability to make good decisions and act rationally. From a grounded place, we can set the stage for the right action steps to take in order to maintain a sense of personal control and stability. 

A few simple suggestions to help you move through the coming weeks:

Create cozy moments in your day

It might be preparing a special meal, listening to music, lighting a candle, or using a special body oil. Shifting the atmosphere – even in a small way, can help promote a sense of calm and improve our mood. 

maintain at least 20 minutes of physical activity a few days per week

With many gyms closed and most of us staying indoors for much or all of the day, workout routines are significantly disrupted. Perhaps you can do a few reps of strength training or floor exercises to help you get moving. You may want to put on some music and just dance for 20 minutes or even join a virtual dance party. Any movement can help to significantly boost mood, complete the stress-response cycle, and help promote a sense of calm. 

Be thoughtful about nutrition and especially processed sugar intake

While we are more restricted with our days, it seems even more important than normal to pay close attention to our nutritional intake and maintain high doses of fruits and veggies now. Perhaps take a little special care to add in a few more servings of the good stuff over these next few weeks. You may want to use some time to pay a little more attention to meal prep in general. 

Dedicate some time to have a few stress-reducing conversations with a partner or a friend 

Social support and connection are essential to our well-being and especially in times of significant uncertainty. In stressful times, we need to experience both giving and receiving in order to help maintain feelings of closeness. A stress-reducing conversation helps you feel calm and cared for, try it out!

Plan some virtual dates with friends/ family

Get together with people! Just because we are limiting our time out doesn’t mean we have to stop socializing altogether. Schedule some time to talk to your people. We are all in this together and maintaining connection matters.

Maintain a normal routine/ schedule of activities, naps, mealtimes for kids

Kids need structure to thrive. If you have little ones and they are used to going to school or daycare, you will need to help recreate their activities and schedule so that they have a sense of what to expect day to day. It can help to have a few activities on hand similar to the activities and experiences your child may be involved in when going to daycare or school. You can help them to transition smoothly to being at home full-time by planning ahead to structure their day in a way that feels familiar and comforting. 

Protect your energy levels

It’s important to preserve a sense of peace as best we can. Let the news update instead of dominate. This can be tough when it feels we are constantly bombarded with the latest stories. However, it’s important to set limits and boundaries around how much exposure is necessary and helpful. You may find it’s helpful to try and balance staying informed with disconnecting by a certain time. Or, perhaps setting a time to stop checking for updates can be a helpful boundary. 

Get adequate rest and prioritize your sleep

Creating rituals to shut down your day can be helpful. If sleep has been a challenge more recently, perhaps you can just start with one small adjustment like making some soothing tea about 30-minutes prior to sleep or setting a time to put down all screens to start your bedtime routine. If you find yourself worried about your to-do list before bed, you may want to try a ‘brain dump’ exercise where you write down all the things you’d like to get to in order to release it. This can help you to psychologically give yourself permission to rest. 

These small behavior changes can go a long way in terms of creating the right atmosphere to help sleep come more easily. Remember, you don’t have to have it all figured out right away, you can just start with one small thing to help you move closer to the goal. If sleep has been problematic, here are some great tips to help you along.

A few news break distractions/ helpful resources:

The Tribeca Film Festival, like so many cultural/ community events, has been put on hold for the time being. However, you can still enjoy some entertaining shorts when you sign for their newsletter. You can check out their latest one here.

If struggling to get more organized at home, check out this great article featuring Karin Bohn’s design tips for how to set up a work space at home (when used to working in an office).

This interesting interview featuring Lori Gottlieb about her new book: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone – where she journeys into her experience both as a therapist and as a client. 

If you are feeling particularly tense, take a few minutes to listen to some running water or the sounds of a forest…check out the Mindfulness Coach app for a variety of brief meditations to help you relax and ground yourself. The nature sounds can be found under practice now—> all —> mindful listening. 

In addition, I’ll be hosting a free (ongoing) virtual mindfulness group on Mondays from 11:30-12:00. So if you’d like a little FaceTime with a familiar face where we practice some skills together, please join me! You can sign up here.

In keeping with the present safety measures, Modern MFT is now offering virtual sessions so we have the chance to meet face to face in the comfort of home. If you find yourself needing some additional support, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Well, I do hope there’s something useful in here for you; and feel free to share this with others if you think it might be helpful. These are anxiety-provoking and uncertain times, so please treat yourself kindly. And remember the words of Winston Churchill: ‘When you’re going through hell, keep going.’

Sending you peace and positive energy. 

Warmly,

Jennifer 

The post Coping With COVID-19 Stress appeared first on Modern MFT.

You should sit in nature for 20 minutes a day…unless you’re busy, then you should sit for an hour – Zen saying

Our relationship to nature can be a complex one. Exploring more deeply our personal experiences and what constitutes quality time in nature can help us to be more intentional when it comes to prioritizing our mental health and wellness. 

Many of us might feel stuck at a desk for most of the day and struggle to prioritize an adequate amount of time in nature. It’s important to consider not only how much time you spend in nature but also the quality of that time. Recent studies demonstrate that regular, meaningful contact with nature is correlated with greater mental and physical health, just as minimal or no contact with nature is associated with symptoms such as depression, anxiety, a sense of malaise, feelings of emptiness, attention problems, poor sleep, obesity, heart disease, and hypertension (Barton & Pretty, 2010; Martyn & Brymer, 2016; Weng & Chiang, 2014).

At the American Family Therapy Academy’s national conference a few years back, I heard a wonderful and thought-provoking talk about taking an eco-informed approach to therapy which left a major impression on me.

The presenter, Dr. Tracey Laszloffy, emphasized the importance of helping clients to not only take inventory of how much time they spend in nature, but also helping them to assess the quality of their time in nature. So for example, if we are “in nature” but glued to our phone the entire time, are we truly experiencing the many benefits of nature?

In modern times, it is not unusual for many of us to be without much time in nature for weeks or even months at a time.

In a newly published article in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, Dr. Lazsloffy and her colleague Dr. Davis share:

Our hope is to invite a consideration of the role of nature in one’s life (and vice‐versa), prompt a sincere reflection on one’s values about nature, and commit to assessing for and encouraging regular involvement with nature should clients so desire. (Lazsloffy & Davis, 2019)

Although the journal article is geared specifically toward mental health professionals, these insightful questions can help anyone to take a closer look at their relationship to nature and begin to explore it further: 

• What kind of interactions did you have with nature as a child?
• How did you play or not play outdoors?
• How much or how little did your parents engage with you in outdoor activities?
• What thoughts and feelings did you have about nature as a child?
• What thoughts and feelings do you currently have about nature?
• How would you describe your relationship with nature?
• What, if any, value does nature have to you?
• How much time do you currently spend outdoors each week?
• Is this amount of time acceptable to you? Does it meet your needs? If not, what prevents you from having more time?
• What effect does interacting with/spending time in nature have on you?
• Where are your favorite outdoor places and spaces? Why?
• What are your most feared or disliked natural places/spaces? Why?
• To what extent are you able to derive comfort and healing from the natural world?

As indigenous communities have long understood, and as a growing body of research is beginning to demonstrate, an essential component of health and wellness involves having regular, meaningful contact with nature. (Besthorn, Wulff, & St. George, 2010; Louv, 2011; Pretty, 2004; Weng & Chiang, 2014).

Given the commitment that family therapists have to contextualizing our understanding of human experience, it only makes sense that we would include the ecological context in our consideration. (Laszloffy & Davis 2019)

If you’d like to increase quality time spent in nature, what are some of your obstacles? What’s one step you can take this week to help you move closer to your wish?

References:

Besthorn, F. H., Wulff, D., & St. George, S.(2010). Eco‐spiritual helping and postmodern therapy: A deeper ecological framework. Ecopsychology, 2(1), 23–32.

Louv, R. (2011). The nature principle: Human restoration and the end of nature‐deficit disorder. Chapel Hill, NC: Algonquin Books.

Pretty, J. (2004). How nature contributes to mental and physical health. Spirituality and Health International, 5, 68–78.

Weng, P., & Chiang, Y. (2014). Psychological restoration through indoor and outdoor leisure activities. Journal of Leisure Research, 46(2), 203–217.

Barton, J., & Pretty, J. (2010). What is the best dose of nature and green exercise for improving mental health? A multi‐study analysis. Environmental Science and Technology, 44(10), 3947–3955.

Martyn, P., & Brymer, E. (2016). The relationship between nature relatedness and anxiety. Journal of Health Psychology, 21, 1436–1445.

Laszloffy, T. A., & Davis, S. D. (2019). Nurturing nature: Exploring ecological self-of-the-therapist issues. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 45(1), pp. 176-185.

For more information on this topic, you can check out the following resources:

Videos

A playlist of TED talks focusing on reconnecting with nature: https://www.ted.com/playlists/398/reconnect_with_nature

Podcasts

http://www.npr.org/2013/09/27/216098121/everything-is-connected

The post Exploring Your Personal Relationship To Nature… appeared first on Modern MFT.

“It’s your place in the world; it’s your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live.” –Mae Jamison

Our twenties and thirties are often a period of tremendous growth and transition—which can be both exciting and anxiety-producing. During this time, we are typically seeking greater clarity about who we are or who we’d like to become in the future.

When we are faced with several decisions at the same time and confronted with challenging choice points, it can feel incredibly overwhelming to take action toward what we really want for ourselves.

This can create significant uncertainty about the future and what we truly value. It can be difficult to trust our decisions and act with confidence toward our goals and vision for the future when we are experiencing self-doubt and uncertainty.

Here are a few considerations:

Acknowledge What’s Getting In the Way…

Even though at times it might feel difficult to fully engage in the problems we are facing, doing so can really help us to feel more fulfilled in the end. Why is this? Because usually there is a good reason for why we might be struggling with something. It is completely normal to struggle with an overwhelming transition, a tough breakup, or a job related stressor. When we think about how to optimize our resilience through tough times, we must understand how to deal with these issues in a productive way so that we feel strong and equipped to handle the inevitable ups and downs in life.

If you have been feeling uncertain about what you really want for yourself or know something is off but are feeling unsure of how best to handle it, it’s a good idea to listen to that inner voice and take a closer look at your experience. You can address the issues from a proactive, constructive place. Perhaps part of that plan involves healing from a painful past event, or dealing with a tough breakup that made you rethink how you approach intimacy, or perhaps it means confronting challenges more constructively so that you don’t hold yourself back from important opportunities in the future.

Dealing With Stress…

Managing stress can be difficult since so often feelings of overwhelm and anxiety can creep in making it difficult to know what to handle first. Creating a good plan for yourself that includes weekly outlets where you can experience some distance from your life stressors is critical to a healthy and productive outlook. When we are stressed and not being mindful of managing it very well, we feel it in every aspect of life—from the quality of our relationships to our ability to handle conflict, and certainly in our own sense of peace and well-being.

Sometimes we might notice that our ability to handle stress is made more overwhelming by some unexplored difficult life experience that is getting in the way. This is when we need ourselves the most!

Cultivating Self-Love…

We often hear about how self-love is critical, but what does it all really mean? I believe that one important component of self-love is being able to respond to ourselves with self-compassion. Cultivating the ability to simultaneously hold those two truths: “I want to improve ‘x,’ but I also need to acknowledge how far I’ve come on my unique path.” Having more self-compassion often takes time to develop. Being able to practice self-compassion when we need it while also holding ourselves accountable for the changes we’d like to implement is the trick.

Therapy can be a great way to help gain clarity about the future and address patterns that are no longer helping you to grow and develop as a person. Therapy helps you to build positive momentum so that you are moving closer to your goals on a steady basis. Maybe that means building up the courage to take new risks that move you outside your comfort zone, maybe it means finally moving through overwhelming fears or anxieties that have been holding you back or becoming more assertive. Or, maybe it means exploring more closely a pattern in your life that you know deep down really isn’t serving you.

Addressing The Areas Holding You Back…

Maybe you’ve felt conflicted about ending an important relationship or you find that you keep making the same mistake over and over again in some aspect of your life. Maybe you’ve noticed lately that you tend to experiment in ways that are destructive to you and want to explore this pattern more closely. Or, perhaps you generally want to become more clear on your personal values and unique identity. Take some time to open yourself up to learning about yourself and the areas that you’d like to improve. Journaling can be a great way to start this process; it allows us to observe our thoughts with a bit of distance which can help move us toward clarity about what we really want and why it’s important to us.

Think about the people who inspire you, what is it about them? What do you admire exactly and why? When you think about pursuing a similar path, are there areas that you feel hold you back or get in the way? Journaling can be a great way to tune into your inner voice when it comes to the aspects of your life that you’d like to address and explore further.

Perhaps you might even feel confused about what you would like to accomplish in your future. You may even have a nagging feeling that something is off, but you’re not quite sure how to change it or what to do about it. Everyone goes through difficult times in life; it takes courage to seek help when you know you need it.

Take Action!

If you have been struggling with an area of life, an important relationship, or just want to enhance your ability to cope with stressful life events, it’s important to tune into that inner voice and take action. Taking the time to confront challenges and getting to know yourself more deeply is a powerful form of self-love.

Life transitions can be stressful, but they can also present powerful growth opportunities. Exploring what’s important to you and focusing on yourself and what you truly value provides a strong foundation for future success and happiness.

The post Navigating Major Life Transitions… appeared first on Modern MFT.