The post When Holding It All Together Isn’t Enough: Finding Yourself Again After a Season of Survival appeared first on Modern MFT.

“We desperately need a more open dialogue about how severely heartbreak impacts our emotions and functioning. And for such discussions to be productive, we have to disavow ourselves of the notion that there is something childish, embarrassing, or inappropriate about feeling severe emotional anguish when our heart is broken because heartbreak is devastating at any age.” –Guy Winch

Dealing With Heartbreak…

Breakups can be one of the most painful emotional experiences whether or not you initiated it or even when they’re mutual. Often they involve many complicated emotions all at once—maybe you didn’t want it to end, and so you feel a deep and painful void. Or maybe you feel it was right that it ended but still deeply miss the person or aspects of the relationship you shared together.

Overwhelming Grief…

It might even feel like the loneliness can only be resolved by being with the person again. You might have regrets, unanswered questions, and many worries about the future–this is normal and to be expected. The grieving process can be overwhelming and feel like a double whammy in some ways—you might miss the person and then also the life you built together. You might know it’s for the best, but feel a deep sadness inside. Healing is possible and it starts with self reflection.

Deepening Self-Awareness…

Breakups bring a new beginning that we might not feel ready to step into fully. If you’re lucky, you may have had the chance to process your emotions together, but so often relationships end without this opportunity. When we honor our unique process of healing it allows us to move forward with greater clarity and intention.

You can learn to acknowledge:

“I am in pain, how can I allow myself to be curious about this experience?”

“How can I take care of myself through this rough patch?”

Allowing yourself the space and time to grieve, to reflect, and to use your supports can help you move through the pain and build greater awareness for yourself as a partner. We often want ‘resolve’ emotional pain ASAP, but our hearts just don’t work that way. Often, there is important work to engage in around this ending so that you can be available, receptive, and ready for your new beginning. Dating with intention is a unique process. It can be worthwhile to check in with self and make any updates as necessary.

How Therapy Can Help…

When we take the time to explore our inner world and address past hurts, we experience a powerful shift. To help begin the exploration process, you can ask yourself:

What are my beliefs about relationships?
What constitutes a healthy relationship?
How do I make space for my needs?
What are my own personal goals in life? What are my dreams and why? How do I want to feel in my relationships?

Relationship beliefs can be both helpful/ unhelpful, here are a few covered in the evidence-based Seeking Safety model by Dr. Lisa Najavits:

Helpful beliefs:
Seeks understanding, not blame
In healthy, close relationships, anything can be talked about
While losing a relationship may be painful, I can mourn and move on
A good relationship requires effort but is worth it
It is better to be alone than in a bad relationship

Unhelpful beliefs:
I am always wrong, the other person is always right
Good relationships are easy
I must be liked by everyone
The other person has to change
Bad relationships are all I can get

Which ones resonate for you?

In healing yourself and addressing problematic patterns/ behaviors, you create new pathways of relating–which in turn can lead to greater relationship satisfaction. If you are going through a difficult breakup, perhaps MAPs For Life Transitions can help! This unique program helps you deal with major life transition so you can experience relief and a sense of hope for your future. To get started, call 917.708.7088.

The post Breakup to Breakthrough: When Splitting Up is For the Best appeared first on Modern MFT.

Deepening your understanding of your current boundary needs and setting a plan to honor them is radical self-love.

If you have a hard time setting boundaries, you might struggle to feel productive or that you’re truly tending to your own needs. Life often feels scary and overwhelming without them. You set boundaries to protect yourself and so you can be at your best. Thinking carefully about your boundaries with self and others helps you to be more intentional.

Can you think of a recent experience where you could have benefited from setting a better boundary?

When I first started my private practice back in 2014, some of the advice I received was “you want to be available anytime so you can accommodate appointments.” It can be easy to overextend yourself in the service of others–especially as a therapist. While this may sound like a great idea in theory, what I’ve learned in my decade of being a practicing therapist is that offering the special service of therapy is a very energy-sensitive kind of offering–one that requires great care to deliver well. If I am not rested, nourished, or if I’m struggling in some way to meet my own needs, it’s not possible for me to provide the best possible service to my clients. In being thoughtful about my boundaries when it comes to type of offering/ when I offer my services and for how long, I am able to map out my time in such a way that allows me to be at my best.

When you have good and clear boundaries with self and others, everyone wins. Because I have thought through my own needs, I’m able to be flexible in certain areas and I also know where I’m not able to be flexible.

What do boundary problems look like?

Boundary problems often present themselves in two ways: diffuse or rigid. When boundaries are too diffuse, we may struggle with enmeshed relationships. Essentially, there is too much closeness. When boundaries are too rigid, we might struggle to let someone in or build healthy connection with others. Essentially, we are too distant and have a hard time trusting others.

Boundary issues are important to correct and work on because they impact how we function in various relationships — with partners, colleagues, family members, friendships, and even on a first date.

Boundary issues can cause serious problems if unaddressed because they can lead us to being taken advantage of, exploited, or unable to feel entitled to stand our ground on an issue. They can also lead to shutting people out, isolating ourselves, and not asking for help when we need it.

In real life this might look like:

• Struggling to say no when you want to
• Not listening to yourself/ going against your judgment
• Indecision for fear of letting others down
• Giving in too easily
• Not being clear with others
• Subordinating your needs to others
• Withholding from others
• Closing self off from connection
• Struggling to reach out
• Struggling to make meaningful connections

What are intrapersonal boundaries?

A critical but often overlooked aspect of this work is intrapersonal boundaries or boundaries within self. We often think of boundaries in the context of being between people, but boundaries within self are just as important.

For example, how you might talk to yourself about engaging in a potentially harmful situation or leaving work at a normal time rather than overworking. Intrapersonal boundary work is especially important since we can’t change others, we can only change ourselves. You can begin to work on boundary issues by practicing out loud what it sounds like/ feels like to say “yes” and “no” in specific situations of your life.

I’ll share more about this in an upcoming post ; )

If you are struggling with this area, here are a few questions that might be helpful to consider:

• My ideal situation would be_____.
• I wish _____ was different about _______.
• What makes it tough to set a boundary when it comes to _______?
• How would it feel to have a more clear boundary in place as it relates to _______?
• What are my top priorities right now?
• What are three areas of struggle for me right now and how long has it felt this way?

The post Learning how to set healthy boundaries… appeared first on Modern MFT.

A stress-reducing conversation is essential when it comes to maintaining a sense of connection and support within a close relationship. It helps us to feel loved, cared for, and valued. All of which help us to show the same to a partner.

This kind of conversation doesn’t have to last for hours, it can be as simple as setting aside just 30-minutes to really tune in and be present with our loved one.

An effective stress-reducing conversation looks like:

Characteristics At-A-Glance

• Sharing equally in the two roles: Speaker & Listener
• Setting aside 30-minutes to really tune into each other
• Taking turns to share about a mild/moderate “outside stressor”
• Each person taking equal time being both the speaker and listener
• Listener role (quiet, attentive, curious, holds space)
• Speaker role (open, honors self, takes space)
• Taking your time when it’s your turn to speak (not rushing through)
• Asking questions when you’re the listener
• Listening like you would to a close friend
• Checking in before offering your two cents  (Not jumping into “fix it mode”)
• Taking your time to understand the other person’s perspective more deeply
• Calm atmosphere
• Giving other your full attention
• Providing encouragement
• “In it together” attitude

Structure of the conversation

Plan ahead because you will want to set aside time that is completely uninterrupted. If you both have busy schedules and other responsibilities, you will have to anticipate the barriers in order to be successful at reserving the time.

When the time comes, sit across from each other and just take a moment to notice your breath and relax. You want this to be a gift to the relationship so you must be calm and alert. The more you can relax into your body, the more available you and your partner will be to each other.

Decide who will have what role first. So you will take turns being the speaker and the listener for about 15 minutes each. If you are not used to doing this in such a prescribed sort of way, just be patient with yourselves. It will get easier. Focus your energy inward for a moment. Once you have decided who will be what first, you can take on your respective roles:

Listener:

• You are listening as if you are a friend
• Make eye contact
• Just listen
• Don’t interrupt
• Don’t jump in with what you think you know will help

This is an exercise in truly listening and quieting yourself to be available to your partner ONLY. 

Just be in the space. Pay attention; it’s okay to ask questions. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Imagine what they are experiencing. Allow yourself to really take on the stress they are describing. What is that like? See if you can allow your partner to feel you truly understand.

Speaker

• Really take the time that is being given to you
• Share from the heart about what’s really been causing some stress outside the relationship (mild-moderate)
• Try to stay relaxed so you can really take the space
• Share for about 15-minutes, go into detail on the issue

And again…Don’t rush. Slow it wayyyyy down. TAKE. YOUR. TIME!

(It’ll be worth it!)

I know for some of us this can feel incredibly hard to take space like this, but it’s important that we challenge ourselves to be paid attention to intimately like this. Take the space that is being offered to you.

It’s a beautiful thing to be heard and supported. Allow yourself to bask in the goodness of empathic attunement.

Your goal is to share freely a mild to moderate stressor that you’ve been struggling with lately. The stressor should be an outside of the relationship issue like a work deadline or an issue with a co-worker or friend, etc. Stay away from hot-button topics that might be too tough to tackle right now. This exercise is to help you focus on receiving support.

Press pause to notice how you feel right now

At the end of your 15-minutes with the first role, take a minute or two process how that felt.

Did you struggle to be the speaker?

What was it like for the listener?

Did you find that some element of the role was hard for you to do? Which part felt hard and why do you think that might be? Is there something that felt difficult to engage in?

You may want to jot down on paper any feelings or little things you noticed in this role so you can explore it further at a later point. This helps us to increase our awareness and identify our true feelings. 

Now switch roles.

Again, pause and see what that role felt like. How was it different? What did you notice?

Practicing this type of conversation allows you to build more positive interactions into your day-to-day connection. This will help you to maintain a feeling of support and positive regard in your relationship and will helps to strengthen your bond. The goal would be to work up to having this type of conversation three-four days per week.

Let me know how it goes!

The post Characteristics of an Effective Stress-Reducing Conversation… appeared first on Modern MFT.

“Being vulnerable can be difficult because most of us have past experiences where we asked for attention or otherwise signaled our needs and were either ignored, dismissed, criticized, or punished in some way. Whatever the origin, many adults have trouble feeling and expressing core needs and vulnerable feelings.” -John Grey and Susan M. Campbell

Understanding Your Personal History…

Shame

Context

The Process of Healing…

The Power of Vulnerability…

The post Vulnerability Takes Courage… appeared first on Modern MFT.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” -George Bernard Shaw

Getting started in couples therapy…

With so many demands on the marital relationship/ long-term partnerships, many couples struggle to maintain a satisfying sense of connection over the long-term.

Ongoing conflict regarding communication, intimacy, affection, personal fulfillment, family, career concerns, etc., can quickly erode the quality of  a relationship if left unaddressed.

In my experience as a relationship therapist, I have seen many couples improve their ability to successfully navigate difficult issues by developing a deeper sense of empathy for their partner’s experience and transforming problematic patterns of interaction.

Many couples are interested in couples therapy at various times in their relationship (which is completely normal), but often there might be some uncertainty around whether it’s the right service at the right time. To help bring some clarity, this article is all about couples therapy at Modern MFT, its purpose, and the typical course of treatment.

How can therapy help?

Therapy can help couples to discuss difficult topics more easily by getting to the heart of the matter and offering guidance, support, and encouragement while creating a more sustainable path forward.

It is sometimes helpful to view couples therapy as an important investment in the overall emotional health of a couple or family’s well-being. Relationship counseling, while relatively short-term in duration, is designed to have a lasting positive impact on the quality of an individual’s most valued intimate connections.

What’s involved in couples therapy? 

When getting started in couples therapy, I like to meet with a couple at least once per week. This helps to establish a high quality working relationship and allows me the opportunity to get to know each person in a meaningful way. Through our consistent meetings, we are able to build trust, a sense of safety, and momentum toward the desired outcomes.

In developing a deeper understanding of the many factors influencing the distress, we can effectively work through the blocks, the hurts, and any trust ruptures related to the presenting concerns. We can sort out the source of the distress and determine the best route toward a more optimal intimacy.

The process of therapy typically includes four phases: an assessment period, a collaborative working phase in which the areas of concern are addressed in-depth, a maintenance phase, and a termination phase.

How long will it last?

It is difficult to say how many sessions are required in order to address particular issues or concerns since there are many factors that can influence the process of therapy. It is a collaborative process between the client(s) and therapist. Ongoing communication and trust are essential. In my work, I have noticed that when partners are committed to their unique work in therapy, they often start feeling better in their relationship very early on in the therapy.

Sometimes the reasons for coming in might seem like they require a relatively superficial fix, but in order to create meaningful and lasting results, a more in-depth exploration and understanding of the issues is necessary.

In therapy, we are not merely bandaging a wound, rather we are tending to the damage and examining how it happened in the first place. The goal is optimal functionality and flexibility.

It’s important that each partner feels comfortable with the therapist and the commitment to therapy so that there are minimal impediments to the process. Couples who are curious and open to self-discovery often have the best outcomes in therapy.

Course of treatment:

In the assessment phase, we work to develop a deeper understanding of the presenting issue(s) which provides an important foundation for the work ahead. Significant information can also be provided through the intake form which helps to facilitate and expedite the process.

Once I have an understanding of each person’s perspective, history, and the present relationship dynamics, I can then customize a way of facilitating the necessary growth. This might also include collaborating with any other treatment providers involved.

Assessment

In the initial stage, we often visit a variety of relationship concerns or topics regarding a couple’s overall sense of satisfaction. This might include discussing  interactional patterns, communication, issues pertaining to affection, trust, desire, etc. We may also construct a family genogram for each partner in order to better understand interactional patterns and any intergenerational trauma that may be impacting the felt experience in the present relationship.

Working through the struggles

The next phase of treatment often involves a series of tailored interventions and conversations designed to address the the specific areas of concern for a particular couple. This may include a blend of intimate conversations, homework assignments, in-session activities, and exercises designed to access the underlying dynamics and transform the problematic cycle of interaction.

Oftentimes, couples experience a significant shift in their relationship during this point in treatment as their relationship begins to feel less rigid and stifled. Couples often report feeling as though a “weight has been lifted.”

Growth often involves helping the partners to heal a present or past emotional hurt, re-establish a sense of trust and togetherness, or work through difficulties related to communication, intimacy or affection. It is necessary to stay committed to the work as it takes some time to establish new ways of operating as a couple. Sometimes, there are deep and profound individual changes that have resulted from the work in therapy–which may require partners some time and space to readjust to the new landscape. This is normal and expected.

Maintaining the progress

In the maintenance and termination phase, we have brought about important changes in the functionally of the relationship and the progress is sustainable. We have been able to address the inevitable setbacks and frustrations and have created stability in the quality of the relationship.

During this phase, we sometimes transition to another important aspect of the work that was not as initially pressing as the original reason(s) for seeking treatment. Other times, a couple may decide that they have reached and maintained a great place and feel comfortable winding down treatment.

Termination

The termination phase allows us the opportunity to look back at the growth and provides time to anticipate barriers and plan ahead for the inevitable ups and downs in the future. This period also enables the couple to solidify their progress and a chance to end therapy with a sense of dignity.

Considerations

When we are struggling or hurting in some way, it’s only natural to want the discomfort to stop immediately. During these painful moments of life, we can be vulnerable and seek to resolve important interpersonal matters through a quick fix. A commitment to the process of therapy can provide the appropriate guidance, in-depth healing, and repair of difficult intimate relationship struggles.

As an aside, there are times when couples therapy may be premature–meaning that there are potentially significant barriers to treatment which may require partners to seek individual therapy first for a period of time to address certain personal issues. However, this is dependent on many factors and is evaluated on a case by case basis. It’s important that partners are in a place to be able to receive the benefits of therapy for their relationship.

Building a more optimal intimacy…

In therapy, there is sometimes a tendency to focus on resolving here and now conflicts rather than on addressing a big picture sense of fulfillment. However, in focusing on optimal intimacy and the underlying causes of distress, couples therapy can bring about much more meaningful and lasting change. Ideally, we are not just fixing a set of issues, but rather, we are creating a deeper sense of fulfillment between partners and in their individual lives.

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
-Proust 

The post How Does Couples Therapy Work? appeared first on Modern MFT.

“We get together on the basis of our similarities; we grow on the basis of our differences.” – Virginia Satir

Here are a few considerations to help you move through a painful breakup:

Experiencing pain is a natural part of life and can teach us important lessons about ourselves 

Reflect on what happened 

Surround yourself with people who value and care about you

Distract yourself (a little)

Nurture your own personal growth

Volunteer

The post Healing After A Painful Breakup… appeared first on Modern MFT.

“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” -James Baldwin

Dating With Intention Begins With You…

In his beautiful book, Deeper Dating, Ken Page discusses the importance of creating safety and respect in your relationships. The first few chapters are dedicated to helping you recognize and truly believe in your “core gifts,” which Page describes as the deepest and most sensitive parts of you.

Page believes that once you have developed a genuine appreciation for your gifts, you are in a good position to begin dating with a deeper intention and are more likely to find greater fulfillment in your relationships.

He asks important questions such as: how can you enter the dating world—which is often far from safe and kind—and still protect your vulnerability? How do you lead with your authentic qualities in ways that draw the right people to you?

Let’s take a closer look at his Seven Skills of Deeper Dating:

Be kind, generous, and thoughtful

These qualities tend to be underrated in the dating world, but new research has shown the importance of kindness and generosity when it comes to satisfying intimate relationships.

If your goal is to cultivate a giving, loving, and reciprocal connection, then it’s important to demonstrate kindness. If your date cares about these qualities and has worked on cultivating them, you’ll have started things off in the best possible way.

Kindness helps to unite couples over the long term. Research has shown that kindness is the most important predictor of satisfaction in a marriage. Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and supported. There’s also evidence that shows the more someone receives or witnesses kindness, the more they will be kind themselves, which leads to upward spirals of positive feelings and generosity in a relationship.

If you like someone, let it show

We’re often taught to play it cool or that it’s not such a good idea to be too forthright when it comes to sharing how you feel about someone in the early stages of dating. “Play hard to get” or “don’t seem too interested” are phrases that are commonly thought of to help navigate the uncertainty of the dating scene. Research shows that letting someone know you like them is one of the strongest ways to turn a date into something more serious. Showing interest, takes confidence and self-acceptance.

Page also points out that it’s important to temper your displays of affection with an awareness that many people are cautious or even frightened in the early stages of dating so it’s a good idea to check in with yourself and read your date’s cues before sharing an expression of warmth or affection.

Focus on the quality of your connection

When we are on a date, it can be easy to focus on how we think we are being perceived or if the person measures up to our set of standards when it comes to what we want in a partner, etc.

When we are so busy evaluating every move or sentence, we are likely not focusing on the quality of the connection. Instead of evaluating endlessly, try taking a moment to check in with yourself about how you feel in the presence of the other person.

Ask yourself:

Am I working hard to impress?

Does the connection feels relatively “easy” and pleasant?

The next time you’re on a date and have a moment to yourself, try the following exercise to check in with your intuition:

See if you can get into a gut level sense of the quality of connection with your date. Take a break from the wearying stream of assessment: Does he like me? Do I like her? Instead, notice what you’re actually feeling with the person.

Of course you’re probably feeling nervous, but in addition to that, do you feel pleasure? Do you feel warmth? Is there a sense of fun? Do you feel inspired? Unsafe? Criticized? Our minds tick off our checklist of what constitutes a catch while our hearts may be sensing something altogether different. Rest with the feeling of your actual connection. This will help guide you to your next steps with the person you are with.

*Exercise featured in Deeper Dating by Ken Page

Practice bravery

Relationships are always risky in that there are no guarantees. Bravery in the context of dating is an important skill to improve because the more you can put yourself out there, the greater the likelihood that you’ll connect with others in meaningful ways.

Strengthening our capacity to be brave in relationships is similar to strengthening a muscle. The more we can tolerate the discomfort of acting on what we want, the easier it becomes. By showing our interest, we’re giving the other person a compliment, and how that person responds will provide us with important information about who she is. Taking small, brave steps will help you to build your tolerance for the emotional risks involved in dating and the beginning stages of a relationship.

Discover the art of squinting

Squinting helps to take in the essence of a person and not get stuck on small external imperfections.

When we practice viewing a person in their wholeness and complexity and evaluate attraction from a more big picture perspective, we are better able to determine if this person will be a more lasting fit for us.

Was your date particularly present with you while you told a story?

Perhaps you really enjoyed how he interacted with the staff at the coffee shop. It’s easy to focus on the externals and miss important internal qualities.

Share what you’re passionate about & ask the same of your date

When you speak about what makes you feel excited and you’re genuinely enthusiastic, the right person will appreciate this. Page points out that the wrong person may not appreciate what you’re passionate about and that’s very good to know. Be sure to ask the same from your date. Notice what makes her glow and ask her more about it.

Become fiercely discriminating about what matters most

When you’re dating to meet a long-term partner, spend some time thinking about your “check boxes” in the context of your values.

Here are a few questions to help guide you:

What feels most important to you in life and why?

How do you enjoy spending your free time?

Do you have the space and time to nurture a meaningful relationship?

If not, what might you want to change?

What are your priorities and how do you imagine they might evolve over time?

Exploring some of these areas can help you get a better handle on what’s really important to you when it comes to finding a meaningful relationship.

The post Annoyed With the Dating Scene? Check in About Your Priorities… appeared first on Modern MFT.

What is usually an exciting and memorable time can also be fraught with difficulties such as navigating the need to keep a feeling of independence while also maintaining a sense of togetherness.

It can be comforting and anxiety-provoking all at the same time!

Perhaps you’ve been adjusting fairly well. Or perhaps you’ve noticed there’s been an increase in arguments or emotional distance and you just can’t seem to make much progress together.

Here are a four suggestions to help you navigate this transition more easily:

Preserve Your Own “Space” In the Relationship

‘Space’ can apply to both the literal and figurative. In places like NYC, where literal space tends to be limited, you may have to tap into the figurative meaning to make this one happen.

While you might be thoroughly enjoying the cozy nights in–catching up on Netflix, cooking together, hanging out, etc.–taking the time to make plans that nurture your own separate sense of identity is a great way to keep your relationship healthy and vibrant.

When partners have separate outside interests, it often has a wonderful effect on the relationship. Focusing on your friends, your community, your career, a special hobby/ interest, or just trying something new are all great ways to nurture and develop yourself. You contribute to creating a positive and attractive atmosphere for your relationship to function at its best when you are busy living life and not hyper-focused on your partner.

Your relationship is no different from any other living, breathing organism—it needs the right conditions in order to thrive!

Practice Navigating Conflict Together

Sometimes it’s easy to get into this mindset of “We shouldn’t be fighting so much, we just started dating” or, “Is this normal? Do other couples fight like this?” Pay attention to how you treat each other during a conflict and how you handle repairing the relationship afterwards.

When two people get together there will inevitably be differences in how you handle conflict and the way you approach situations. Think for a minute about your comfort zone:

• What do you tend to do when you feel triggered by something someone said or did?
• Do you notice that you tend to go inward or outward?
• Do you tend to want to discuss it right then and there, or do you prefer to withdraw and distance yourself from that person?

Exploring your own tendencies when it comes to relationship stress is a great way to make some positive shifts.

Discuss Your Values as a Couple

When you have found a partner that you’d like to “stay still” and build a future with, talking about values and what you believe to be important in life can help you develop a strong foundation.

Perhaps you’ll discover that your values align quite well or you’ll learn the small areas in which your values differ. Talking about values is important because it helps you understand more deeply your partner’s inner world and what the other person is motivated by.

• Does family play an important role?
• Are her friendships intensely important to her?
• Do his hobbies provide a deep sense of peace that he is not willing to live without them?

Exploring what these values mean for your relationship in terms of compromise can help you and your partner to feel understood and respected in your relationship.

Talk About the Finances

Whatever arrangement you decide on, it’s important to begin building financial intimacy as a couple. Talking about finances is often very difficult for many couples since it involves exploring personal philosophies about spending, saving, and earning. It’s natural to feel a little anxiety as well as the desire to avoid it. If left unaddressed, financial differences could begin to dominate the atmosphere of your relationship.

It’s important to remember that financial intimacy will require a series of conversations over time. This is not something that gets solved by one or two small conversations. Getting on the same page with the finances will help you function better as a couple.  Start by addressing some of the early messages you received about spending and saving.

• What do you truly value in life and why?
• What do you like spending money on?
• As you reflect on your current spending, does it make you feel happy or disappointed in some way?
• When it comes to spending and saving, what vision do you have for your relationship?
• Are there significant differences in how you and your partner relate to money?  (For example, one person may have a lot of savings while another has some debt–how does this affect your dynamics? Or you have a “rags to riches” background that deeply informs how you relate to finances and the world at large?)

These insights are “grist for the mill” to help you get to know and understand your partner’s perspective more deeply.

Be patient with yourself and your partner as you navigate the uncharted territory of  sharing a space and new responsibilities together.

As you’re talking about these areas, you may notice that there are topics you want to hear more about and understand a little better. That’s a great thing! Stay curious, you are learning about yourself and the other while simultaneously building on a shared future together.

The post Moving in Together (Made Easier!) appeared first on Modern MFT.