There are certain qualities that naturally draw us to a romantic partner—traits that excite us, inspire us, and make us feel connected. But sometimes, those very same qualities that once felt so magnetic can later become a source of tension. For example, you might be drawn to someone’s ambition—their drive, their passion, the way they chase after their goals. But as time goes on, that ambition might start to feel like a wall between you, morphing into long work hours, missed plans, and a sense that quality time isn’t a priority.

This doesn’t mean the person is flawed or that you made a mistake in choosing them. The truth is, every one of us is made up of qualities that both attract and challenge others. No one will be perfectly aligned with us in every way, and part of being in a relationship means developing a tolerance for the full spectrum of who someone is. It’s about making space—not just for the moments where everything feels easy, but also for the times when differences arise.

Learning to Navigate Disappointment Can Promote Growth

People will disappoint us. It’s part of being close. Real connection—especially lasting love—comes with risk. Hurt will happen. But pain doesn’t mean failure. It means we care. We’re alive. And love, like anything meaningful, comes with vulnerability.

That doesn’t mean tolerating everything or abandoning your boundaries. It means recognizing that, just like we want to be accepted in full, our partners do too. When we create space for imperfection, we build trust. We grow our capacity to love with flexibility, strength, and grace.

Making Space for Imperfection in Relationships

Disappointment in relationships can feel jarring—especially in your 30s and 40s, when you’re craving stability, depth, and emotional safety. Whether you’re with a longtime partner or in something new, the gap between what you imagined and what’s happening can feel wide. How you respond to that gap matters. It can either bring you closer—or push you apart.

One powerful shift? Let others get it wrong sometimes. Without withdrawing love. Without assuming the worst. Without trying to reshape them. Stay curious. Stay kind. Let go of the urge to make others match your comfort zone.

This isn’t about ignoring your needs. It’s about softening rigid expectations. It’s about allowing missteps without making them mean more than they do. Real connection grows in that space. It’s where empathy, growth, and resilience live.

Need Help Reconnecting? Try a Relational Tune-Up

Feeling stuck in the same arguments or emotional patterns? You’re not alone. A relational tune-up can help. These short-term, accelerated therapy sessions offer focused support when you need it most. They’re ideal if you’re ready for change—but don’t want to spend months waiting.

With thoughtful, high-impact care, you can explore stuck dynamics, strengthen communication, and reconnect emotionally—with clarity and compassion.

Because sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is make space—for growth, for grace, and for each other.

The post Feeling Disappointed in Relationship? Read this ⬇️ appeared first on Modern MFT.

“We desperately need a more open dialogue about how severely heartbreak impacts our emotions and functioning. And for such discussions to be productive, we have to disavow ourselves of the notion that there is something childish, embarrassing, or inappropriate about feeling severe emotional anguish when our heart is broken because heartbreak is devastating at any age.” –Guy Winch

Dealing With Heartbreak…

Breakups can be one of the most painful emotional experiences whether or not you initiated it or even when they’re mutual. Often they involve many complicated emotions all at once—maybe you didn’t want it to end, and so you feel a deep and painful void. Or maybe you feel it was right that it ended but still deeply miss the person or aspects of the relationship you shared together.

Overwhelming Grief…

It might even feel like the loneliness can only be resolved by being with the person again. You might have regrets, unanswered questions, and many worries about the future–this is normal and to be expected. The grieving process can be overwhelming and feel like a double whammy in some ways—you might miss the person and then also the life you built together. You might know it’s for the best, but feel a deep sadness inside. Healing is possible and it starts with self reflection.

Deepening Self-Awareness…

Breakups bring a new beginning that we might not feel ready to step into fully. If you’re lucky, you may have had the chance to process your emotions together, but so often relationships end without this opportunity. When we honor our unique process of healing it allows us to move forward with greater clarity and intention.

You can learn to acknowledge:

“I am in pain, how can I allow myself to be curious about this experience?”

“How can I take care of myself through this rough patch?”

Allowing yourself the space and time to grieve, to reflect, and to use your supports can help you move through the pain and build greater awareness for yourself as a partner. We often want ‘resolve’ emotional pain ASAP, but our hearts just don’t work that way. Often, there is important work to engage in around this ending so that you can be available, receptive, and ready for your new beginning. Dating with intention is a unique process. It can be worthwhile to check in with self and make any updates as necessary.

How Therapy Can Help…

When we take the time to explore our inner world and address past hurts, we experience a powerful shift. To help begin the exploration process, you can ask yourself:

What are my beliefs about relationships?
What constitutes a healthy relationship?
How do I make space for my needs?
What are my own personal goals in life? What are my dreams and why? How do I want to feel in my relationships?

Relationship beliefs can be both helpful/ unhelpful, here are a few covered in the evidence-based Seeking Safety model by Dr. Lisa Najavits:

Helpful beliefs:
Seeks understanding, not blame
In healthy, close relationships, anything can be talked about
While losing a relationship may be painful, I can mourn and move on
A good relationship requires effort but is worth it
It is better to be alone than in a bad relationship

Unhelpful beliefs:
I am always wrong, the other person is always right
Good relationships are easy
I must be liked by everyone
The other person has to change
Bad relationships are all I can get

Which ones resonate for you?

In healing yourself and addressing problematic patterns/ behaviors, you create new pathways of relating–which in turn can lead to greater relationship satisfaction. If you are going through a difficult breakup, perhaps MAPs For Life Transitions can help! This unique program helps you deal with major life transition so you can experience relief and a sense of hope for your future. To get started, call 917.708.7088.

The post Breakup to Breakthrough: When Splitting Up is For the Best appeared first on Modern MFT.

Deepening your understanding of your current boundary needs and setting a plan to honor them is radical self-love.

If you have a hard time setting boundaries, you might struggle to feel productive or that you’re truly tending to your own needs. Life often feels scary and overwhelming without them. You set boundaries to protect yourself and so you can be at your best. Thinking carefully about your boundaries with self and others helps you to be more intentional.

Can you think of a recent experience where you could have benefited from setting a better boundary?

When I first started my private practice back in 2014, some of the advice I received was “you want to be available anytime so you can accommodate appointments.” It can be easy to overextend yourself in the service of others–especially as a therapist. While this may sound like a great idea in theory, what I’ve learned in my decade of being a practicing therapist is that offering the special service of therapy is a very energy-sensitive kind of offering–one that requires great care to deliver well. If I am not rested, nourished, or if I’m struggling in some way to meet my own needs, it’s not possible for me to provide the best possible service to my clients. In being thoughtful about my boundaries when it comes to type of offering/ when I offer my services and for how long, I am able to map out my time in such a way that allows me to be at my best.

When you have good and clear boundaries with self and others, everyone wins. Because I have thought through my own needs, I’m able to be flexible in certain areas and I also know where I’m not able to be flexible.

What do boundary problems look like?

Boundary problems often present themselves in two ways: diffuse or rigid. When boundaries are too diffuse, we may struggle with enmeshed relationships. Essentially, there is too much closeness. When boundaries are too rigid, we might struggle to let someone in or build healthy connection with others. Essentially, we are too distant and have a hard time trusting others.

Boundary issues are important to correct and work on because they impact how we function in various relationships — with partners, colleagues, family members, friendships, and even on a first date.

Boundary issues can cause serious problems if unaddressed because they can lead us to being taken advantage of, exploited, or unable to feel entitled to stand our ground on an issue. They can also lead to shutting people out, isolating ourselves, and not asking for help when we need it.

In real life this might look like:

• Struggling to say no when you want to
• Not listening to yourself/ going against your judgment
• Indecision for fear of letting others down
• Giving in too easily
• Not being clear with others
• Subordinating your needs to others
• Withholding from others
• Closing self off from connection
• Struggling to reach out
• Struggling to make meaningful connections

What are intrapersonal boundaries?

A critical but often overlooked aspect of this work is intrapersonal boundaries or boundaries within self. We often think of boundaries in the context of being between people, but boundaries within self are just as important.

For example, how you might talk to yourself about engaging in a potentially harmful situation or leaving work at a normal time rather than overworking. Intrapersonal boundary work is especially important since we can’t change others, we can only change ourselves. You can begin to work on boundary issues by practicing out loud what it sounds like/ feels like to say “yes” and “no” in specific situations of your life.

I’ll share more about this in an upcoming post ; )

If you are struggling with this area, here are a few questions that might be helpful to consider:

• My ideal situation would be_____.
• I wish _____ was different about _______.
• What makes it tough to set a boundary when it comes to _______?
• How would it feel to have a more clear boundary in place as it relates to _______?
• What are my top priorities right now?
• What are three areas of struggle for me right now and how long has it felt this way?

The post Learning how to set healthy boundaries… appeared first on Modern MFT.

A stress-reducing conversation is essential when it comes to maintaining a sense of connection and support within a close relationship. It helps us to feel loved, cared for, and valued. All of which help us to show the same to a partner.

This kind of conversation doesn’t have to last for hours, it can be as simple as setting aside just 30-minutes to really tune in and be present with our loved one.

An effective stress-reducing conversation looks like:

Characteristics At-A-Glance

• Sharing equally in the two roles: Speaker & Listener
• Setting aside 30-minutes to really tune into each other
• Taking turns to share about a mild/moderate “outside stressor”
• Each person taking equal time being both the speaker and listener
• Listener role (quiet, attentive, curious, holds space)
• Speaker role (open, honors self, takes space)
• Taking your time when it’s your turn to speak (not rushing through)
• Asking questions when you’re the listener
• Listening like you would to a close friend
• Checking in before offering your two cents  (Not jumping into “fix it mode”)
• Taking your time to understand the other person’s perspective more deeply
• Calm atmosphere
• Giving other your full attention
• Providing encouragement
• “In it together” attitude

Structure of the conversation

Plan ahead because you will want to set aside time that is completely uninterrupted. If you both have busy schedules and other responsibilities, you will have to anticipate the barriers in order to be successful at reserving the time.

When the time comes, sit across from each other and just take a moment to notice your breath and relax. You want this to be a gift to the relationship so you must be calm and alert. The more you can relax into your body, the more available you and your partner will be to each other.

Decide who will have what role first. So you will take turns being the speaker and the listener for about 15 minutes each. If you are not used to doing this in such a prescribed sort of way, just be patient with yourselves. It will get easier. Focus your energy inward for a moment. Once you have decided who will be what first, you can take on your respective roles:

Listener:

• You are listening as if you are a friend
• Make eye contact
• Just listen
• Don’t interrupt
• Don’t jump in with what you think you know will help

This is an exercise in truly listening and quieting yourself to be available to your partner ONLY. 

Just be in the space. Pay attention; it’s okay to ask questions. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Imagine what they are experiencing. Allow yourself to really take on the stress they are describing. What is that like? See if you can allow your partner to feel you truly understand.

Speaker

• Really take the time that is being given to you
• Share from the heart about what’s really been causing some stress outside the relationship (mild-moderate)
• Try to stay relaxed so you can really take the space
• Share for about 15-minutes, go into detail on the issue

And again…Don’t rush. Slow it wayyyyy down. TAKE. YOUR. TIME!

(It’ll be worth it!)

I know for some of us this can feel incredibly hard to take space like this, but it’s important that we challenge ourselves to be paid attention to intimately like this. Take the space that is being offered to you.

It’s a beautiful thing to be heard and supported. Allow yourself to bask in the goodness of empathic attunement.

Your goal is to share freely a mild to moderate stressor that you’ve been struggling with lately. The stressor should be an outside of the relationship issue like a work deadline or an issue with a co-worker or friend, etc. Stay away from hot-button topics that might be too tough to tackle right now. This exercise is to help you focus on receiving support.

Press pause to notice how you feel right now

At the end of your 15-minutes with the first role, take a minute or two process how that felt.

Did you struggle to be the speaker?

What was it like for the listener?

Did you find that some element of the role was hard for you to do? Which part felt hard and why do you think that might be? Is there something that felt difficult to engage in?

You may want to jot down on paper any feelings or little things you noticed in this role so you can explore it further at a later point. This helps us to increase our awareness and identify our true feelings. 

Now switch roles.

Again, pause and see what that role felt like. How was it different? What did you notice?

Practicing this type of conversation allows you to build more positive interactions into your day-to-day connection. This will help you to maintain a feeling of support and positive regard in your relationship and will helps to strengthen your bond. The goal would be to work up to having this type of conversation three-four days per week.

Let me know how it goes!

The post Characteristics of an Effective Stress-Reducing Conversation… appeared first on Modern MFT.

Therapy offers a tailored approach to your personal development and improvement, and it provides a safe space to address a variety of concerns that are preventing you from enjoying your life to the fullest.

As a therapist, I can tell you that many of my clients reach out because they are struggling with a major life transition, a painful relationship issue, career related concerns, or a family conflict. Other times, people reach out to improve their physical intimacy and the quality of their communication with their partners. Sometimes they come in to develop healthy coping skills and work on living in more alignment with their personal values.

Additionally, some people come in to work on wounds that were never properly cleaned or ‘disinfected’ so-to-speak, and so the work involves ‘removing the bandaid,’ tending to the damage, and re-bandaging the wound so that it can finally heal.

To help my clients, I first listen carefully not only to their personal stories and what brings them in, but also to the many different narratives that make up their unique identities.

I walk with people for little while, holding hope, strength, and the firm belief that things can improve…

I founded Modern Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC to expand my capacity to help others to live fuller, more enjoyable lives by addressing issues and patterns that are acting as barriers to real connection and personal fulfillment. My  approach is based on the belief that the therapy experience should feel safe, open, honest, and constructive. I help my clients take the necessary steps to make their lives and relationships more fulfilling, productive, and easier.

”We get together on the basis of our similarities, we grow on the basis of our differences.”

-Virginia Satir

The post Do I need therapy? Maybe. Probably. Don’t we all? appeared first on Modern MFT.

The MAP 90-minute consult for couples provides a safe space to explore relationship concerns without the pressure to commit to ongoing weekly therapy as partners. I have found in my years of working with couples that sometimes a psychoeducational consultation is exactly what is needed.

Improving Communication With a Partner

“Communication issues” is the top reason couples seek help in my practice. Through my training and extensive experience, communication can be greatly improved once we know where the issue(s) stems from. What gets complicated is that each partner has their own subjective experience. If that experience is not understood and respected, difficulties arise.

I provide my clients with a much needed safe space and the tailored guidance to address these issues with the goal of creating a different experience in our session. Once we understand the cycle, partners can begin to develop the awareness and know-how to carry it into home life once our session is completed. So often, partners do not dedicate the time necessary to cultivate meaningful change. The MAP 90-minute consultation provides a blueprint for what this work can look like so you leave with a better sense for how to improve the feeling of being understood and listened to in your relationship.

The Right Support Matters

Communication involves an understanding of the issues and a sense of what the problem is from the other person’s perspective. It requires listening but also the ability to calm yourself so that important messages can be received. In my session, we review this together and have the opportunity to practice several activities designed to strengthen each partner’s ability to improve this necessary area.

If partners have never been in therapy before, we may spend some time talking about family-of-origin and helping each person to gain a deeper understanding of each other and how each individual came to be the person they are today. We will review concepts of compromise, how to self-soothe, how to soothe and comfort each other in ways that really work, and we will also cover how to reduce stress and improve connection using a unique tool that you can practice each week at home. This therapy consult provides you with a comforting and encouraging space to learn and grow and gain tools that you can use in life and in your most valued relationships.

Enhancing Intimacy in Relationships 

Often, we are faced with what seems like an endless stream of responsibilities and obligations that it can feel like there is just not enough time to cultivate a strong sense of intimacy—with our partner or with others. It’s easy to try and go it alone, to withstand the pressures and struggles without a sense of closeness or support–but doing so is usually not sustainable for very long. According to therapist/ author Patricia Love, intimacy is a curious phenomenon in that most couples profess to want more of it, but few people can define what it is. She defines intimacy as communicating on a personal level.

Intimacy helps us to feel connected and understood. We must be careful not to confuse significant knowledge with a strong sense of intimacy. It’s possible to know a lot about your partner and lack a sense of intimacy. Rather, intimacy involves more of a meaningful sharing and responsiveness between partners.

This powerful experience in relationship has the capacity to make us feel valued, cared for, and loved. As a therapist who helps people to enhance the quality of their relationships, I have seen many people improve their ability to experience greater intimacy in their lives through consistent effort and increased self-awareness. To start, it is helpful to create your own definition so you can begin to build awareness of your own needs when it comes to intimacy. In our consultation, you can expect that you will improve your intimacy by learning to:

• Give each other your full attention
• Listen carefully for meaning
• Validate each other’s reality

The second point is key here because so often we can become easily caught up in content and fail to truly understand the meaning of what is being shared. Our tailored 90-minute session will help you get to the essence and meaning  – so you can experience each other with a new perspective. To begin your personal development journey, here are a few key questions to consider when thinking about improving intimacy in your life:

• What’s important about intimacy to me?
• How comfortable am I in communicating my emotional wants and dislikes?
• How do I tend to handle conflict in my relationships?
• What’s one area I’d like to improve when it comes to my emotional responsiveness in relationships?
• When do I feel most connected or fulfilled in my significant relationship(s)? Was there a particular situation that brought that feeling out this week? What contributed to my feelings of intimacy at that time?

Intimacy, along with trust, desire, communication, and affection create a strong foundation for high quality relationships to flourish. The best part is– is that all of these areas can be further developed and improved!

Coping with Major Life Transitions

Major life transitions can be super stressful. When we are struggling or feeling overwhelmed or going through a tough time, we are not at our best. Our fuse is short, we lack patience, and we might struggle to get the needed response and support from our partner. This can change with the help of an experienced and licensed therapist who knows how to help you make the shifts that create the desired result. We work together to help you experience relief so that you can stay strong and adaptable in your relationship and deepen the skills needed to move through the tough times. Perhaps you recently became parents, or maybe you decided to move in together, maybe you are going through changes in life that have greatly influenced how you experience the relationship as a whole; whatever you are going through that has caused tension or discomfort can be explored in the MAP for couples. I look forward to the opportunity to help you feel closer and more connected in your relationship!

Warmly,

Jennifer

The post What is the Modern Accelerated Program (MAP 90-minute consultation) and How Can it Help? appeared first on Modern MFT.

Trust is essential when it comes to intimate relationships – trust in ourselves and in others. It can be very difficult to learn to trust again after a betrayal in a relationship. However, it’s important to recognize that betrayal pertains not only to relationships with others but also in relationship to self. Self-betrayal might look like a lack of congruence or when our actions and words and feelings are out of alignment.  So how do we deepen and sustain trust?

When trust has been broken in some way, or we are struggling to feel a strong sense of trust, it disrupts the entire ecosystem of a relationship. Understanding trust helps us have a language around the specifics so we can hone in and work on certain areas and also ask for what we need in relationships.

Brené Brown is a leading researcher and author on several topics regarding the human condition. Her contributions have been incredibly valuable as she delves deep into helping us understand important and difficult-to-talk-about-topics like trust, vulnerability, courage, shame, and their impact on human connection. In a recent talk, she shares:

“If braving relationships with other people is braving connection, self-trust is braving self-love/ self-respect.” -Brene Brown

What does is mean to truly value and respect ourselves? What does that look like? What does that really feel like? *Journal prompt for self discovery: take a piece of paper or a journal and write out the following prompt: If I truly valued and respected myself, I would:

In a recent podcast, Dr. Brown discusses her acronym BRAVING to describe in greater detail what allows us to trust according to her years of research. Something that was striking to me was her focus on the importance of self-trust first.

As I was listening, I was also struck by how challenging this might be at times…what do you think might get in the way of building or deepening self-trust?

If this experience of self-trust wasn’t emphasized in our family-of-origin or our caregivers didn’t operate with self-trust themselves, how can we begin to develop self-trust as adults? Or, perhaps we’ve had a history of self-haring behaviors or tendencies toward self-sabotaging behaviors – which is common among adults who have experienced trauma, how then does that impact our ability to practice self-trust on a regular basis? How can we nurture a robust sense of self-trust so that we can also practice this in intimate relationships?

First, what is meant by trust?

According to Charles Feltman, author of The Book of Trust, “Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else. Distrust is what I have shared with – that is important to me – is not safe with you.”

According to Dr. Brown, self-trust can be defined and explored using her acronym BRAVING:

Boundaries—”Am I honoring my own boundaries?” “Am I paying attention to them when it comes to my self-care and relationships?”

Reliability—“Can I count on myself? “Am I following through on what I say I will do?” Am I consistently responding to my own needs? This also involves being clear and honest with yourself so that you don’t over deliver on your commitments.

Accountability—“Am I holding myself accountable?” Am I willing to accept responsibility for my mistakes or where I went wrong? Can I acknowledge when I have made a mistake?

Vault—-“Am I protective of my stories?” Maybe there are parts of yourself you want to keep private until a person has shown you they are worthy of  hearing your story? “When do I decide to let someone in and why?” “When does it feel safe to feel close and why?”

Integrity—-“Did I stay in my integrity?” Brené Brown defines this as:
1. choosing courage over comfort/not taking the easy way out
2. choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy
3. practicing your values, not just professing your values

Non-judgement—“Is it okay if I fall apart and ask for help sometimes?” “Am I judging myself harshly without any compassion?”

Generosity—“Do I give myself the benefit of the doubt?” “Can I assume the generous thing about my words, intentions, and behaviors?”

How does all of this land for you? What do you think?

If you are struggling with self-trust and you are looking to learn and practice skills and deeper self-awareness, you may want to consider joining my upcoming Seeking Safety group starting in October. The group focuses on healing from trauma and self-harming tendencies. To register or to learn more, please contact me at 917.708.7088.

The post Deepening and Repairing Trust Involves This… appeared first on Modern MFT.

The Littlest Big Farm is a documentary about the start of a self-sustainable farm that takes place over 8 years and centers around one couple’s journey to create a farm using more “old fashioned” farming techniques and practices that are not as common today amidst the abundance of factory farms. The film shows the incredible work ethic, clarity of purpose, and sticktoittiveness required to bring their vision to life and highlights the many significant ups and downs they experience along the way.

After working to raise capital to purchase some abandoned farmland outside of LA, they began to map out the necessary steps toward their vision. They had no idea what they were in for considering the soil on the land was completely dead and hadn’t been used for farming in many years. They would have to start at the very beginning. They had to accept that this task was going to be a process and their dream would have to unfold over a long period of time with dedicated and focused attention. The first step would have to be to nurture the soil back to life.

They encountered many problems along the way. It was interesting to observe that the more they tried to “snuff out” or correct (individually) a particular issue and isolate it from the system in which it was existing, the less successful they were and the more robust the problem became.

An example of this unfolded when snails began to eat the bark of the fruit trees at a rapid rate, slowly destroying the fruit trees themselves—at first the farmers decided to save the trees by painstakingly plucking each snail from each tree.

The farmers understandably felt demoralized. They wanted so much to make their vision a reality, but couldn’t seem to make it all come together.

Removing the snails was futile and not to mention completely unsustainable for the farm—the snails simply returned after being removed. When they took a step back and observed the systems at play that were informing the problem, they were able to implement practices that nurtured natural solutions.

For example, they discovered that the ducks on the farm ate the snails which then allowed the snail population to slowly decrease. In order for the diversity of the farm to flourish and for the creatures and plants to multiply at a healthy rate leading to the diversity they desired, they had to facilitate the interplay and strength of the ecosystems on the farm. This required them to listen carefully to all that the farm was communicating on a daily basis.

It is interesting to apply this logic and understanding to our own health and sustainability. If we consider what makes a healthy relationship, and the idea of what constitutes a “healthy intimate relationship,” it is more than only what occurs between individuals. It is the outside forces at play, the family, society, culture, experiences of oppression and each individual’s relationship to self that informs and influences the felt experience of the relationship.

Each of us is our own complex ecosystem where there are many processes unfolding on a regular basis. If we do not attend to our own natural processes and nourish our internal systems, it will be difficult to tune into and respond to our own needs and feel a sense of wellness. Further, the “brokenness” happening outside our relationship is critical to understand how it affects us and how to empower ourselves amidst the brokenness.

Health and well-being is not the result of doing just one particular thing or avoiding that one other thing; health has many components.

Problems and their solutions need to be explored in context in order to create sustainable long-term improvement.

In training to become a therapist, we learn about taking a bio-psycho-social approach to understanding presenting issues. While there may be a biological component to an issue, the presentation is also influenced by additional contexts. This can help us to think about optimal functioning instead of merely what’s not healthy. We can start to look at health from a holistic stance: it is a series of choices, an overall feeling, a disposition, a mindset, and comes from an acknowledgment that one problem can significantly influence the balance of health in our own internal system – and the systems involved in relating to and developing a sense of self.

So often, it is common for individuals and couples to approach therapy from a perspective of, “If I can just fix this one issue,”  or, “If I can just overcome this anxiety,” or, “If I could just improve communication with my partner, everything will be okay.”

While this reasoning in itself is not bad or wrong, we need to do more.

Desiring to address a particular problem and fantasizing that life will be better when the one issue is fixed is natural to romanticize. The simplicity of it all is a very tempting thought. However, in order to bring about sustainable healing and health, a deeper, systemic approach is often what’s needed.

The post Relationship Lessons From Nature… appeared first on Modern MFT.

Reasons for Therapy

While mental and emotional health should be considered on par with taking care of one’s physical health, these critical needs are commonly overlooked and neglected. Exploring where we are stuck and addressing issues proactively is no doubt challenging work. As a therapist, it has been really wonderful to see that we are experiencing an exciting cultural shift as the stigma of therapy is reduced and more and more people pursue therapy and experience the many benefits. 

Healthy Relationships & Optimal Health

While many people can acknowledge that the quality of life is greatly influenced by the quality of our relationships, individuals often struggle alone for many years before seeking professional help. It is especially typical for couples to allow conflicts to worsen significantly before seeking the appropriate treatment. In fact, relationship research completed at the Gottman Institute shows that most couples wait on average, seven years from the onset of a problem before reaching out. So it’s a great idea to address issues as they present in life and not let them worsen significantly.

Often, we know something is off with how we are going about life and we know we want it to feel better, but we just haven’t considered therapy as an option – maybe we aren’t that familiar with it, or it just seems out of reach in some way. Often, people find they come to therapy when it simply doesn’t feel like an option not to. Usually, there is some sort of incident or experience that happened that finally triggers the action of actually calling and making an appointment. 

Emotional Health & Wellness is Rooted in Our Ability to Connect…

Meaningful connection to others is a key component of a happy life. However, we can all agree that life and relationships are messy at times. We know that despite being digitally connected to many people, loneliness is at an all time high in our current culture. A person can be quite accomplished in many aspects of life and simultaneously continue to struggle in other important areas including their relationships or ability to cope (in healthy ways) with life’s diverse challenges. Often, we can get into a damaging pattern of putting ourselves/ our needs last. 

Therapy is a safe space to discuss what’s really happening in your life. It naturally provides accountability so that abstract future goals can begin to take shape and action steps can be taken. It offers personalized support, guidance, and encouragement to help you design and implement a better plan for yourself moving forward. Many of my clients report a significant increase in clarity from therapy, or this feeling that what was keeping them stuck in some sort of struggle is somehow lifted. 

Therapy also provides the added benefit of more lasting results – so that the issues and frustrating moments that a person is currently experiencing can become much easier to handle and connection with others feels easier and less stressful.

Whether you are addressing relationship conflict or problematic patterns of anxiety or avoidance in relationships, dealing with destructive anger, developing healthier coping skills, or finding the courage to make a significant change in your life, therapy can help.

The Therapy Experience is Unique to Each Individual…

The therapy room is a special place. It’s where a person can feel free to share what’s really going on in their life without fear of judgement. It’s where healing happens and resilience is strengthened. I love being a therapist because I get to develop a very unique and special kind of healing relationship that ultimately enables my clients to live a happier, more fulfilling life.

Whether I’m working with an individual or a couple, the therapy room is a vibrant place. Sometimes there is an emphasis on creating major change over an extended period of time and other times, therapy is used more intensively on a short term basis (I often do this type of work in the form of my Modern Accelerated Programs.)

Relationship conflict, disconnection, frustration, and struggles around coping doesn’t have to stay problematic. With a desire to grow and a willingness to put in the effort, you can create a more fulfilling future. Many of my clients are adults in their 30s, and 40s who are dealing with relationship stressors, the process of dating and discovering what kind of relationships feel most fulfilling to them or are looking to enhance their ability to cope with stressful challenges and major life transitions in healthier ways.

Sometimes in looking more closely at their days, people realize that there are certain patterns that they are engaging in that really aren’t serving them or bringing them closer to the kind of life they most want to live.

Through therapy, we uncover the source of the struggles and work together to create healing, peace and fulfillment so that life feels easier.

If you know you want to go to therapy, but are struggling with the idea of how to make space during the work week for the recurring appointment, this article provides a lot of valuable and helpful information regarding how to approach work about taking an extended lunch (for therapy) or allowing you to leave work early for therapy. While each person’s situation is different in terms of the flexibility they have access to, it is helpful to be aware of possible barriers and how to address them. Since therapy requires a weekly time commitment, it’s helpful to plan ahead and be prepared to advocate for yourself should you need to use part of your work day (one day a week) for personal development.

If you’d like to get started in therapy, I would be happy to talk with you. I can be reached at 917.708.7088 to schedule a session. I look forward to having the opportunity to work with you!

Warmly,

Jennifer Uhrlass, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

The post The Benefits of Therapy… appeared first on Modern MFT.

“Being vulnerable can be difficult because most of us have past experiences where we asked for attention or otherwise signaled our needs and were either ignored, dismissed, criticized, or punished in some way. Whatever the origin, many adults have trouble feeling and expressing core needs and vulnerable feelings.” -John Grey and Susan M. Campbell

Understanding Your Personal History…

Shame

Context

The Process of Healing…

The Power of Vulnerability…

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